LMS: Vampirella Vs Buffy Summers

Not much so far since yesterday, so it's straight to the Last Man Standing feature.

Oh cmon now, is this really much of a contest? The only real winners are fanboys as they get to watch Sarah Michelle Gellar (or Kristy Swanson, take your pick) versus barely-dressed-with-boobs-popping-out Vampirella. I'd take the Kristy Swanson version, personally...less chatter, more bimbo tendencies. It's like the mud wrestling match of the century.


LAST MAN STANDING

Vampirella vs. Buffy Summers

Art by MATT HALEY and TOM SIMMONS

TALE OF THE TAPE
Vampirella		Buffy Summers
5'11"	Height	5'4"
115 lbs.	Weight	105 lbs.
71"	Reach	64"
Raw	Steak	Wooden
Yes, Please	Blood	B Positive

THE PLAYERS: Born on the blood-drenched planet Drakulon, Vampirella journeyed to Earth for a sacred mission: to destroy all vampires, the evil offspring of her own mother, Lilith! With superhuman strength and speed and the ability to transform into a bat-like creature, Vampirella has all of a vampire’s strengths, yet none of their traditional weaknesses.

Buffy Summers is this generation’s Chosen One, a Slayer with the sole skill and responsibility of ending the spread of evil. Just out of high school in Sunnydale, Calif., Buffy has Olympic-level martial-arts skills, a virtual arsenal of weapons (from stakes to rocket launchers!) and most importantly, a cunning mind.

THE BATTLE: In a dark, abandoned warehouse, a hungry Vampirella searches for her evil brethren. Hearing a scuffle behind her, Vampi turns to face a blonde-haired, cross-wielding teenage Buffy. Seeing no reaction in Vampi’s face, Buffy ditches the cross and tosses a flaskful of holy water at Vampi, who tries explaining she’s out hunting vampires, too. No dice. The Buffster whips out the heavy artillery—a crossbow—and just nicks Vampi’s shoulders. Trying desperately to keep her bloodlust in check, an enraged Vampirella swarms Buffy, knocking her straight through a pile of wooden crates. Racing to Buffy’s bruised and scratched-up side, Vampi arrives just in time for Buffy to deliver a swift kick to the solar plexus, followed by a fury of punches, kicks, jabs and roundhouses. Somewhat dazed, Vampi lunges for Buffy’s open neck, only to find a two-foot piece of wood jabbed through her heart. Class dismissed.

THE WINNAH…Buffy the Vampirella Slayer!


Buffy would slap the tits off Vampirella's chest if she could. You can just picture a whole mass of drooling fanboys who've gathered around watching this fight, yelling, cheering and wolf whistling all the way through.