Friday, August 10, 2007

LMS: Snake Plissken Vs Ash

Oh baby! I remember reading this one way back when I still hadn't yet watched Army of Darkness and wasn't yet a huge Ash and Bruce Campbell fan. So I knew this was coming...and today, it's the Last Man Standing feature!

Snake Plissken vs. Ash Art by Tone Rodriguez and Marlo Alquiza

Snake Plissken
165 lbs.Weight170 lbs.
Eye patchFacial AnomalyProtruding chin
Leather jacketFavorite AccessoryChainsaw

THE PLAYERS: S.D. “Snake” Plissken was a lieutenant in the U.S. Special Forces, but after robbing the Federal Reserve Depository, Snake was caught and sentenced to life imprisonment in maximum security prison.

Ash toiled in the “Housewares” department of his local S-Mart, until the fateful day he traveled to a remote cabin in the woods and discovered the Necronomicon, a book containing unspeakable evil that Ash accidentally unleashed on the world!

THE BATTLE: Thanks to the Necronomicon, Ash finds himself in a dimension where Manhattan’s a maximum-security prison and L.A. has sunk into the ocean! While getting his bearings, Ash runs into Snake Plissken, an outlaw with a short temper and a quick trigger finger. When Ash asks for help, Snake’s only reply is to pistolwhip the poor guy! Rising to defend himself, Ash reaches for his shotgun, but quickly finds it smashed out of his hands by Snake, who wields a Louisville Slugger imbedded with roofing nails! Ducking under Snake’s second home run swing, Ash fires up the chainsaw on his right hand and reduces Snake’s bat to sawdust. However, the saw reacts badly with the nails, which bombard Ash like a face full of shrapnel. Snake decides he’s done toying with this clown and looks to fill Ash full of lead with his MAC-10 machine pistol, but before he can get a shot off, an interdimensional portal opens up behind Ash—and dozens of demonic mini Ashes spring forth to bedevil both combatants! While trying to fight off the horde, Ash winds up accidentally clubbing Snake several times about the head with his shotgun, causing the outlaw to retreat and save his own neck. While Ash turns his attention—and his weapons—to dispatching the army of tiny terrors, Snake hops on his motorcycle and makes for a quick getaway. “Hey, mister, can you help me out?” asks Ash, as swarms of mini-Ashes begin to cover his body. “Go f--- yourself, pal,” scowls the one-eyed outlaw. “And the name is Snake!”

Booooooo. I really wanted Ash to win this one. Though technically, there weren't any winners in this fight, only losers as Ash had to beat off the mini-Ashes all by his lonesome. And even though it was a loss to Ash, it certainly was done in a hilarious way!

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