Gandalf the Ghey!

Here's the second last script I wrote on 23 July 2007. Still on Ian McKellan...since the last one was such a serious script (apart from the ending where I threw in that last line for some humour), we needed something less serious!


Panel 1 - Just another dialogue box: "And now, by popular demand, outtakes from the movies of gay rights activist, Sir Ian McKellan!"


Panel 2 - That famous Balrog scene where IM slams his staff into the ground, blocking the Balrog from the rest of the party. The Balrog, for some reason, is wearing shorts and it's very noticeable that it has a big...uh...tool.

Dialogue box: "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers!"

IM: "YOU !!! SHALL NOT !!! PASS !!!"


Panel 3 - IM looks down at the Balrog's package and his eyes go wide (0.0). Make his eyes pop out of his head, staring if you want to. Some drool trickles from IM's mouth.


Panel 4 - IM gives a knowing wink at the Balrog and makes a nasty suggestion. The Balrog has a o.O face and slowly backs away from IM.

IM: "Not at least until you make a PASS at me first, big boy. Roooowwwwwwr."



Panel 5 - IM and Elrond are chatting in a chamber. This scene immediately follows the one where Frodo is recovering after having been scratched by the Nazgul.

Dialogue box: "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring!"

Elrond: "The time of the Elves is over. My people are leaving these shores. Who will you look to when we've gone?"

IM: "It is in Men that we must place our hope."


Panel 6 - IM and Elrond still chatting.

Elrond: "Men? Men are weak. It is because of Men the Ring survives. No, you need someone with bigger and more powerful...tools."


Panel 7 - Silence. IM and Elrond look into each other's eyes, longingly.


Panel 8 - IM and Elrond in a full embrace and liplock. Their hands furtively caress each other's backs (and backsides).

IM: "Why did I think I could place my hope in men? I need the other white meat...only found in elves!"

Elrond: "Oh hold me and never let go, Mr Anderson!"


Panel 9 - IM and Elrond still "exploring" each other's bodies, but IM has a quizzical look on his face (o.O).

IM: "What was that?"

Elrond: "Shut up and kiss me, Magneto."

Sir Ian McKellan Vs Singapore

Man, Wizard Universe must have been down for the entire weekend, because it's up now, but it's got LAST week's articles...and I posted those already!

So I guess it's time for another script...and it's the third last one I ever wrote.

This script was inspired by an article that was published in The Straits Times, Singapore's broadsheet newspaper. Here was the original post that Theo put up on 28 Geeks Later, suggesting some ideas for scripts:


Gandalf the G*ey?

Ian (not McKellen), are you thinking what I'm thinking? Hurhurhur... new comic ideas! "Gandalf the Ghey subjects poor Frodo to his whims!" *gasps* Hehehe... Or maybe saying to Wolverine (a very aghast Hugh Jackman): "I find you...very attractive, Wolverine" and then lifting him up with his powers. LOL!!!

Ian McKellen: It's about time Singapore grew up
-Recognise gay rights, McKellen urges Singapore
-Repressed Singapore Tells Ian McKellen: Don't Get Naked

British actor Ian McKellen has urged tightly-governed Singapore to loosen up and repeal its archaic laws barring homosexual acts.


SINGAPORE, July 19, 2007 (LifeSiteNews.com) - Unable to find a "gay bar" or display nudity in an upcoming performance of Shakespeare's "King Lear", British actor Ian McKellen has now called upon Singapore's government to overturn laws against homosexuality.

McKellen, 68, is known to millions around the world for his roles as "Gandalf" the wizard in the "Lord of the Rings" and for his role as the evil villain and mastermind "Magneto" in the "X-Men" Trilogy and has used his star-power to promote homosexual issues.

"Coming to Singapore where unfortunately you've still got those dreadful laws that we British left behind... it's about time Singapore grew up, I think, and realized that gay people are here to stay," McKellen said in an interview with Class 95 radio station, a member of the state-run MediaCorp.

Singapore's Penal Code Section 377A prohibits homosexual acts and solicitations as "gross indecency with another male person" with prison time of nearly two years. The law dates back to the city-state's colonial 19th century administration by the British Empire and is supported by the Singapore's largely conservative population.

McKellen is performing with the Royal Shakespeare Company touring productions of William Shakespeare's "King Lear" and Anton Chekhov's "The Seagull." The Company's world tour starts Thursday in Singapore at the Esplanade, South-East Asia's most modern performing arts centre. McKellen agreed to forbear on his planned nude scene where Lear is sent into exile, in order that minors under 18 in the tiny city-state could attend the performances.

"Call it censorship, call it advice, it gets in the way a little bit. I think it's a little bit silly," McKellen was quoted as saying at a tour briefing.

"As a gay man invited here with the full cognizance of the government, how can they not notice that my right to have sex are inhibited by the country?" McKellen complained in an interview with Reuters. McKellen told the press agency that he only cared to discuss acting and homosexuality saying, "I am just public on those two issues."

Source: http://www.lifesite.net/ldn/2007/jul/07071908.html


Cue an idea and a script from me, on 23 July 2007:


Panel 1 - Just a dialogue box that says: "And now, some words from a very special guest."


Panel 2 - Profile of Ian McKellan. IM is walking about Singapore. You can clearly see the Benjamin Sheares bridge in the background.

IM: "Hello. My name is Sir Ian McKellan. You may remember me from such blockbuster hits as the Lord of the Rings and X-Men trilogies."


Panel 3 - Same. This time, we can see the Merlion.

IM: "You may have recently heard the Singapore government banned me from appearing nude in the production of William Shakespeare's "King Lear"."


Panel 4 - IM has stopped walking. The camera is starting to pull out and we can start to see a bit of the Esplanade in the background (don't show too much just yet though!).

IM: "What century do we live in? Surely the people in charge can see that this performance is of an artistic nature, and not some graphic attempt just to show off my naughty bits! As a sovereign state under former British rule, surely you can tell the difference between the two!"


Panel 5 - An eye-in-the-sky view of the Esplanade. IM is a tiny talking head who's gesturing rudely at the Esplanade building, or more accurately, the two durians/fly's eyes.

IM: "I mean, really. You ban me from exposing my bits for artistic purposes, but at the same time, you've got those two grotesque and perverse non-artistic balls at the waterfront which you call your "Esplanade"."


Panel 6 - The camera has zoomed back into IM's profile.

IM: "I rest my case. Come watch me in "King Lear" and if you're lucky, I might get naughty flash the audience!"