Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Gandalf the Ghey!

Here's the second last script I wrote on 23 July 2007. Still on Ian McKellan...since the last one was such a serious script (apart from the ending where I threw in that last line for some humour), we needed something less serious!

Panel 1 - Just another dialogue box: "And now, by popular demand, outtakes from the movies of gay rights activist, Sir Ian McKellan!"

Panel 2 - That famous Balrog scene where IM slams his staff into the ground, blocking the Balrog from the rest of the party. The Balrog, for some reason, is wearing shorts and it's very noticeable that it has a big...uh...tool.

Dialogue box: "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers!"

IM: "YOU !!! SHALL NOT !!! PASS !!!"

Panel 3 - IM looks down at the Balrog's package and his eyes go wide (0.0). Make his eyes pop out of his head, staring if you want to. Some drool trickles from IM's mouth.

Panel 4 - IM gives a knowing wink at the Balrog and makes a nasty suggestion. The Balrog has a o.O face and slowly backs away from IM.

IM: "Not at least until you make a PASS at me first, big boy. Roooowwwwwwr."

Panel 5 - IM and Elrond are chatting in a chamber. This scene immediately follows the one where Frodo is recovering after having been scratched by the Nazgul.

Dialogue box: "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring!"

Elrond: "The time of the Elves is over. My people are leaving these shores. Who will you look to when we've gone?"

IM: "It is in Men that we must place our hope."

Panel 6 - IM and Elrond still chatting.

Elrond: "Men? Men are weak. It is because of Men the Ring survives. No, you need someone with bigger and more powerful...tools."

Panel 7 - Silence. IM and Elrond look into each other's eyes, longingly.

Panel 8 - IM and Elrond in a full embrace and liplock. Their hands furtively caress each other's backs (and backsides).

IM: "Why did I think I could place my hope in men? I need the other white meat...only found in elves!"

Elrond: "Oh hold me and never let go, Mr Anderson!"

Panel 9 - IM and Elrond still "exploring" each other's bodies, but IM has a quizzical look on his face (o.O).

IM: "What was that?"

Elrond: "Shut up and kiss me, Magneto."

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