Gandalf the Ghey!

Here's the second last script I wrote on 23 July 2007. Still on Ian McKellan...since the last one was such a serious script (apart from the ending where I threw in that last line for some humour), we needed something less serious!


Panel 1 - Just another dialogue box: "And now, by popular demand, outtakes from the movies of gay rights activist, Sir Ian McKellan!"


Panel 2 - That famous Balrog scene where IM slams his staff into the ground, blocking the Balrog from the rest of the party. The Balrog, for some reason, is wearing shorts and it's very noticeable that it has a big...uh...tool.

Dialogue box: "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers!"

IM: "YOU !!! SHALL NOT !!! PASS !!!"


Panel 3 - IM looks down at the Balrog's package and his eyes go wide (0.0). Make his eyes pop out of his head, staring if you want to. Some drool trickles from IM's mouth.


Panel 4 - IM gives a knowing wink at the Balrog and makes a nasty suggestion. The Balrog has a o.O face and slowly backs away from IM.

IM: "Not at least until you make a PASS at me first, big boy. Roooowwwwwwr."



Panel 5 - IM and Elrond are chatting in a chamber. This scene immediately follows the one where Frodo is recovering after having been scratched by the Nazgul.

Dialogue box: "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring!"

Elrond: "The time of the Elves is over. My people are leaving these shores. Who will you look to when we've gone?"

IM: "It is in Men that we must place our hope."


Panel 6 - IM and Elrond still chatting.

Elrond: "Men? Men are weak. It is because of Men the Ring survives. No, you need someone with bigger and more powerful...tools."


Panel 7 - Silence. IM and Elrond look into each other's eyes, longingly.


Panel 8 - IM and Elrond in a full embrace and liplock. Their hands furtively caress each other's backs (and backsides).

IM: "Why did I think I could place my hope in men? I need the other white meat...only found in elves!"

Elrond: "Oh hold me and never let go, Mr Anderson!"


Panel 9 - IM and Elrond still "exploring" each other's bodies, but IM has a quizzical look on his face (o.O).

IM: "What was that?"

Elrond: "Shut up and kiss me, Magneto."

Justice for all!

Wizard Universe seems down today, so I guess all I can do is to post up one of the last few scripts I wrote before I lost my desire to write any more scripts. It got frustrating that I was churning out all these scripts but there were just in script format and nothing was moving in terms of them being created on paper. So I just lost the drive to write more scripts.


Panel 1 - The Justice League, from that terrible cartoon from the 70s/80s, "Super Friends". It'd be great to pay homage to them while they're in this pose (minus the words below):



Dialogue box across the top of panel: "And now, a special service announcement brought to you by brought to you by the Justice League!"


Panel 2 - Superman in the left foreground. Batman can be seen in the background punching out the Joker while Wonder Woman is using her bracelets to deflect bullets from the Joker's goons.

Superman: "Hey kids, ever wish you could be a superhero and be part of the Justice League?"


Panel 3 - Same shot, but with different characters in the background. Flash is running rings around Gorilla Grodd while Green Lantern has just created a giant boxing glove from his ring to punch Sinestro in the stomach.

Superman: "You don't need to be an alien, or filthy rich, or an Amazon, or have a magical ring, or can run really fast, or be able to swim underwater and talk to fish...


Panel 4 - Superman stops and turns to look at the background. Aquaman is talking to some fish while Black Manta, his archenemy, laughs on and simultaneously fries up some seafood with his heat gun (or other suitable weapon).

Superman: "..."


Panel 5 - Superman has turned back to face the reader again. Aquaman is now swimming away as fast as he can while Black Manta gives chase, laughing maniacally. You can see scores of dead fish (and other underwater creatures) all lying at the bottom of the panel, some half charred while others have been completely burnt to a crisp. Think burnt fish fingers/sticks.

Superman: "Errr...scratch that last bit. Anyway, you don't need super powers to be part of the Justice League!


Panel 6 - Apache Chief and Black Vulcan in the background, posing, but with sad faces, indicating how useless they are to the Justice League.

Superman: "After all, we let Black Vulcan and Apache Chief join our ranks!"


Panel 7 - Zan and Jayna in the background. Both of them are in the middle of transforming, Zan into a blanket soaked and dripping with water and Jayna into a platypus. Why platypus? Because they look funny. :p Gleek the monkey is flinging poo randomly and a big turd hits Superman in the side of the face. Superman looks unperturbed though.

Superman: "So if you want to join our hallowed ranks, contact us today!"

Zan: "Form...of a wet blanket!"

Jayna: "Form...of a platypus!"


Panel 8 - Batman again, this time with a huge cheesy grin and both his hands giving thumbs up signs. He's got huge dollar signs in his eyes.

Superman: "All we need is your credit card number and for you to sign a waiver allowing us to use it whenever we need to."


Panel 9 - Batman doing a little dance, throwing money and bags of cash in the air. Superman has his hand cupped to his side of the face as if he's whispering to the reader. His left hand thumbs in the direction of Batman.

Superman: "After all, how do you think Bruce pays for all his nifty little gadgets?


Panel 10 - It's a dialogue box engulfing the entire panel.

Dialogue box: "So, join us today! Dial 555-JUSTICE! That's 555-587-8423! Hurry, membership is extremely limited! While stocks last and batteries not included."

Tiny font at the bottom of the panel: "One-time membership fee applies: $1,000,000,000 in cold hard cash, non-refundable except in circumstances of the extinction of your entire race."

Spider-man: Swinger!

I slowed down with the writing of scripts A LOT after 6 July 2007, of which this script was the last one written that day. Can't believe how "unproductive" I was, writing just the two scripts in one day!

While I really enjoyed writing scripts with Bruce Campbell in them, I had exhausted my ideas at that point of time and felt that I needed to move something else.

And I remembered emo Spidey from Spider-man 3 and how he tried to pick up Gwen Stacy in that bar, plus "flirting" around with other girls after he had a change of threads.

Cue this idea and script:


Panel 1 - Spider-man, with his costume tattered and torn, perched atop the Empire State Building, looking down.

Spider-man: "Some days, I just hate waking up in the morning."


Panel 2 - Spidey still in his tattered costume, fighting with the Green Goblin in mid-air. The Goblin has his hands around Spidey's throat while Spidey is trying to land a punch on Goblin's face.


Spider-man: "Who am I? I'm nobody special. I'm just the ordinary kid who lives his life each day, struggling to make ends meet."


Panel 3 - Spidey, this time fighting Doc Ock on the street. Ock has got three of Spidey's limbs trapped with his tentacles, while trying to catch Spidey's free arm.


Spider-man: "A great man once told me, with great power, comes great responsibility."


Panel 4 - Spidey, back in his apartment, with his back to the reader, taking off his tattered mask and flinging it onto his bed. His wardrobe is open and you can see spare Spidey costumes (red and blue and Venom black) hanging on the inside.

Spider-man: "But what he failed to tell me...."



Panel 5 - Spidey, all of a sudden in a brand new costume (make it the Venom black one if you want to), in the middle of the dance floor of a swanky nightclub, boogey-ing and dancing with two ladies who appear to be Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane Watson!

Spider-man: "...was that great power also came with great perks!"


Panel 6 - There's a big chocolate milkshake on the counter, kind of like those you see in 60s - 70s movies. Spidey (facing the reader) leans forward and drinks through the straw of the milkshake. Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane, on opposite sides of Spider-man, both learn towards him and simultaneously kiss him on each cheek.

Spider-man: "Some days, I just hate waking up in the morning. But on others, it just feels good to be me!"


Panel 7 - Spidey, swinging in the air with both MJ and Gwen Stacy in either arm. Spidey cocks his head towards the reader and gives us a knowing wink and a thumbs up.


Spider-man: "I just love this swinging lifestyle!"


It ends on a bad pun again (the whole set up leads to that bad pun) but it was pretty fun to write nevertheless.

More unseen audition footage of Bruce Campbell!

Lots more Bruce Campbell! Well not really...this was the LAST Bruce Campbell script I wrote. But I enjoyed every single minute of writing Bruce Campbell's extraordinary adventures!

This one written on 6 July 2007, inspired by some very famous movies:


Panel 1 - Completely empty, with just the words filling up the panel.

Dialogue box: "For the first time ever! Never before seen audition footage of Bruce Campbell!"


Panel 2 - Darth Vader and BC, in full Jedi gear, in combat on the Death Star, lightsaber and chainsaw interlocked together.

Dialogue box: "Star Wars!"

Darth Vader: "I've been waiting for you Obi-Wan. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was the learner, but now I am the master."

BC: "Honey, you got reeeeal ugly."


Panel 3 - BC and Vader are still locked in combat, Vader whirling his lightsaber while BC waves his chainsaw around like a madman.

Darth Vader: "The force is strong in this one."

BC: "Say hello to the 21st century! Come get some."


Panel 4 - BC as Indiana Jones, seated in one of those mining carts from The Temple of Doom. Shorty (that annoying Asian kid from Temple of Doom) is seated next to him with an anguished look on his face. Shorty's hands are clasped to both sides of his face, a la Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. BC snaps his whip to release the clutch/lever to get the mining cart moving off the track.

Dialogue box: "Indiana Jones!"

Shorty: "Indy! They're behind us!"

BC: "Buckle up bonehead, 'cause we're going for a ride!"



Panel 5 - The boat from Jaws. BC is dressed as the grizzled Captain and Roy Schneider (the doctor from Jaws) has just seen the Great White shark and backs into the cabin of the boat uttering the most famous line from the movie.

Dialogue box: "Jaws!"

Roy Schneider: "You're gonna need a bigger boat."

BC: "Now whoa whoa whoa right there, spinach chin!"


Panel 6 - BC advances to the stern of the boat and spots the Great White. He pulls out his shotgun and waves it frantically in the air.

BC: "Look here you ugly mug, this is my BOOMSTICK!"


Panel 7 - The shark swims away.

BC: "That's it, go ahead and run. Run home and cry to mama!"


Panel 8 - BC is dressed as Gandalf, in the famous scene from Lord of the Rings where he "sacrifices" himself to block the Balrog's past.

Dialogue box: "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring!"

Frodo: "Gandalf!"

BC (turning backwards): "Who wants to know?"


Panel 9 - BC raises his chainsaw in an attempt to scare the Balrog off.

BC: "My name's Ashley J. Williams. I work in S-Mart. Housewares. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that? Run home and cry to mama."


Panel 10 - BC slams his chainsaw down onto the ground.

BC: "YOU !!! SHALL NOT !!! PASS....WIND !!!"


Panel 11 - The Balrog looks confused for a moment, then advances.


Panel 12 - BC tries a different approach.

BC: "Uh...klaatu varada nikto?"

Capt A and...The Matrix?

The next script comes courtesy of Theo. I had no part in scripting it (except for a tiny little edit and giving additional suggestions). We were chatting over the phone about how we used to laugh at our little in-jokes that we'd create when watching movies and he came up with this:


Right, Ian and I were discussing our Lord of The Rings jokes quite a long time ago and how we'd have Hugo Weaving saying to Frodo: "Welcome to the Matrix, Frodo" and Gandalf proclaiming that he is Magneto... then in all the Captain A(sh) furore, I came up with this:

Agent Smith (asking gravely and pointing at Captain Ash's forehead): What's the A on your head stand for? Anderson?
Capt Ash: Who wants to know?
Agent Smith: I am Agent Smith. Agent of the Matrix, some time rebel leader of the elves, leader of the Decepticons and anarchist, V.
Ash: Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town.
*points double barreled shotgun under Smith's nose and shoots*

Ian: Just added that red bit there since Hugo Weaving also voiced Megatron in the live action Transformers movie!

Mary Jane you wench (a continuation)!

And here's a little bonus for you, just before I leave this blog for the weekend: part 2 of the story!

This was also scripted on the same day after Theo gave me a suggestion to use Superman since he was already in the background...nonchalantly thrown in by me in the first script as a sight gag. How it came back and paid dividends!


Panel Y (actually, let's just call this Panel 8) - As Captain Ash and Spider-man charge towards each other, Superman, who was a casual observer several panels ago (talk about foreshadowing!) all of a sudden flies down and swoops up Mary Jane in his arms.


Panel 9 - Captain Ash and Spider-man stop momentarily and look up to the sky. Spider-man points upwards.

Spider-man: "Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane!"

BC: "It's some schmuck in red undies with your girlfriend, you moron!"


Panel 10 - Up in the sky, Superman has Mary Jane in his arms. She doesn't look afraid though...she's embracing Superman with her arms around his neck!

Mary Jane: "So...are you really more powerful than a locomotive? I mean...everywhere?"


Panel 11 - Mary Jane looks down at Superman's...uh...package.

Mary Jane: "Please don't say you're faster than a speeding bullet."


Panel 12 - Superman nods and Mary Jane leans in and kisses him on the lips.


Panel 13 - Superman gives the reader a knowing wink.

Superman: "Hail to the SUPER king, baby!"

Mary Jane you wench!

I present to you: The further adventures of Captain Ash! As I said before, I was just on a roll and having a blast scripting Bruce Campbell as Captain America. There's just something so inherently WRONG (and hilarious) about someone in the red, white and blue costume spouting inane lines like "Yo, she-bitch!" and "Come get some", you know?

This one was a two parter. I originally couldn't think up a good ending for this script, so I left it at that and asked for suggestions from Theo. 5 July 2007 once again:


Panel 1 - Captain Ash has Mary Jane Watson in his arms and about to kiss her. MJ clearly has a disgusted look at her face and her hands are trying to push Ash back.

BC: "Gimme some sugar baby."


Panel 2 - All of a sudden, Spider-man swings out of nowhere and kicks Captain Ash in the face.

BC: "Oof!"


Panel 3 - Spider-man and Captain Ash face down each other. Spider-man shoots some web fluid at Captain Ash, who easily cuts it away with his chainsaw. You can clearly see Superman in the background, with red underwear on, flying past, watching the fight.

Dialogue box: "In the most astonishing crossover movie this summer: It's a fight to the death as Captain America and Spider-man fight for Mary Jane Watson's affections...TO THE DEATH!

Spider-man: "You stay away from her, freak!"

BC: "Looks who's talking, you effeminate screwhead! Who dresses up in their underwear to fight?"


Panel 4 - Spider-man puts himself between MJ and Captain Ash.

Spider-man: "To get to her, you've got to go through me!"


Panel 5 - Ash spits on the ground and pulls out his boomstick.

BC: "Yo, she-bitch! Let's go!"


Panels 6 onwards - As much of a fight scene as possible. Please take creative license here Theo...have Captain Ash fighting dirty and cram in as many cheesy "Wham! Bap! Pow!" bubbles like those on the Batman TV series.


Panel X - Spider-man and Captain Ash, clearly tired, their costumes torn and tattered and both men sweating and bleeding, hunch over and face each other for the final time.

BC: "You still want a piece of me? Huh? Come get some."



Alright. I was inspired by this seemingly crazy crossover, but now I can't seem to think of a proper ending that will do this justice. Suggestions, Theo? At this rate, we can have a weekly strip of just Bruce Campbell as Captain America!

When Captain America throws his mighty shiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeld...

More scripts featuring Captain Ash! At least, that was the name I coined since "Bruce Campbell as Captain America" just was too bloody long.

This one, once again, was on 5 July 2007:


By popular demand (from the one other person who actually comes to read the stuff we post here): More of Bruce Campbell's misadventures as the Star Spangled Centurion - Captain Ash!


Panel 1 - Captain Ash and Iron Man, standing some distance away, like one of those showdowns you see in Westerns. (Camera angle: Perhaps starting from Iron Man's waist, and you see Captain America in the background. To emphasise that it's a "Western" kind of showdown, you could have one of those dust balls blowing across the panel)

Dialogue box: "And now: Outtakes and deleted scenes from Bruce Campbell's Captain America audition tape!"

BC: "Buckle up ironhead, coz you're going for a ride!"


Panel 2 - Captain Ash throws his shield towards Iron Man, who easily evades it.

Dialogue box (musical lyrics, so if you could add a note or two beside the text to indicate it's music...): "When Captain America throws his mighty shiiiiiieeeeld....."

BC: "That's it, go ahead and run. Run home and cry to mama!"


Panel 3 - Iron Man sticks out his tongue at Captain Ash with the words "neener neener" surrounding his head. Don't ask how Iron Man can stick his tongue out through his helmet...

Iron Man: "That the best you can do? Haha, you're a jerk! You're a goody little two-shoes!"


Panel 4 - Close up on Captain Ash's face. He has a raised eyebrow, a la The Rock.

Off panel Iron Man voice balloon: "Goody little two-shoes!"


Panel 5 - Captain Ash's expression has changed to anger. He reaches for the boomstick strapped to his back.

Off panel Iron Man voice balloon: "Goody little two-shoes!"


Panel 6 - Captain Ash shoots Iron Man in the face...metallic helmet pieces fly everywhere and we can see part of Iron Man's brain exploding out! A big caption of "BANG!" can be placed somewhere in the panel.

Iron Man: "Goody lit..."


Panel 7 - Captain Ash stands over the body of Iron Man and kicks him in the nuts.

BC: "I'm not THAT good."

Bruce Campbell is Captain America!

Well, since I missed posting yesterday, thought I'd give my readers a bonus script to make up for the lack of one yesterday!

As I said in the previous entry, an avalanche of ideas of Bruce Campbell being Captain America flooded my head. I was getting a real kick out of writing Bruce Campbell in Cap's chainmail costume and was regurgitating ideas out of my brain faster than I could scribble them down on paper!

This one and the previous script were two of my favourite scripts to write. (Note that this script MUST come straight after the previous one, in the correct order, to lend some semblence of continuity and follow through) This was published, once again, on 5 July 2007. Enjoy.


Panel 1 - Bruce Campbell, in Captain America outfit (still with the chainsaw and the shield) posing, a la THIS image.

Dialogue box: "Exclusive! Secret tapes from Bruce Campbell's audition for the Captain America movie: revealed for the first time!"

Bruce Campbell (BC): Klaatu varada nik*coughcoughcough*to!


Panel 2 - Captain America slugging Iron Man (Theo: If you could make it such that it looks like the cover to Captain America #1, that'd be great! Perhaps show BC's chainsaw also ripping into Iron Man's armour)

Dialogue box: "See Captain America fighting for leadership of the Avengers!"

BC: "Well hello Mr Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leading but two things: Jack and shit. And Jack left town."


Panel 3 - Bruce Campbell throwing his shield into some A.I.M or Hydra agents.

Dialogue box: "Watch as Captain America protects our land from terrorists!"

BC: "Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up! You see this? This is my BOOMSTICK! Errr...shield. Sorry."


Panel 4 - Close up of Bruce Campbell pointing at the "A" on his forehead. (Theo: You MUST use this classic image right here!)


Dialogue box: "Witness Captain America's passion for the red, white and blue!"

Bruce Campbell (BC): "Surrender? SURRENDER?! You think this letter on my head stands for France?"


Panel 5 - Bruce Campbell puts his hand to the side of his mouth, as if he is whispering to the reader.

BC: "It actually stands for Ash. Ashley J. Williams. Who wants to know?"


Panel 6 - Bruce Campbell bends a hot chick backwards (think one of those trashy romance novel covers) and is just about to kiss her.

Dialogue box: "See Captain America save the day and then get the girl!"

BC: "Gimme some sugar baby."


Panel 7 - Captain America in a traditional "US Rules!" pose (Perhaps something like the background image here)

Dialogue box: "Come watch Captain America: the sure-to-be highest grossing blockbuster movie of 2008, coming soon to a cinema near you!"

BC: "Hail to the king, baby."


After this script was posted, Theo came up with this brilliant idea too!


Hey Ian, how about this image drawn as the panel before the one where he points to the "A" on his head? Imagine him going: "What's that? Surrender?"

And then the next panel is the classic Capt A one. Hehehe.. :oD


Funny funny stuff! Our love for Bruce Campbell (and not in a gay way, not that there's anything wrong with that) knows no bounds!

Captain America: Groovy

Alrighty...the next couple of scripts I wrote were just an exploration of an idea Theo had. He posted up this entry:

Bruce Campbell auditioning for The Comedian

Hey Ian! Remember how I said BC looks perfect for the role of The Comedian in the coming Watchmen movie? How about a script of BC auditioning for the character, but still very much in his Ash mentality?

E.g. saying "Groovy." when given a form to fill in, or "Come get some." when it's his turn. And maybe one of the last few panels or something where one of the staff (a woman for our purposes) says he can't get the part. BC (Ash) then gets mad and says "Yo, she-bitch, let's go!!!" and then there's a full shot of BC in Ash mode complete with buzzing chainsaw and classic crazy Ash grin on his face.

OH!!! AND LEST I FORGET!! The reason why he's probably rejected is because he forgets his part!! Like you know how he forgets the magic word in the movie? Like "Clatto Verata Niii *cough cough*" Haha, get what I mean? :oD

Maybe a scene of him and the director of Watchmen could go like this too:

Zach Snyder: You're not one of my actors... who are you?
Ash: Who wants to know?
Zach Snyder: I am Zach Snyder. Director of 300 and Watchmen, Lord of the box office in early 2007 and leader of its fans.
Ash: Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things right now: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town.


That's a pretty funny script in his own. I had Marvel Comics on my mind at the time, since I'd just written the Wolverine script, and I thought: what a great idea, BC auditioning for roles, now that he's sort of a has-been actor!

And then it hit me. Captain America recently died in comics and I really wanted to do something to honour him in memorium. And since Theo was talking about Bruce Campbell, and idea just clicked in my head.

So on 5 July 2007, this script was born:


Panel 1 - Image of Captain America surrendering to Iron Man (check out pages of Civil War #7 for a shot). Perhaps he could have his arms together, stretched out, as if presenting himself to be handcuffed. (It'd be funny if someone threw something at Iron Man's head and it bounced off...or splashed like a tomato)

Dialogue box: "In 2007, Captain America voluntarily surrendered to S.H.I.E.L.D and the forces led by Iron Man to end the Marvel Civil War."


Panel 2 - Image of Captain America being handcuffed and led away.

Dialogue box: "Captain America was arrested and put on a very public trial."


Panel 3 - Captain America, lying on the ground bleeding to death. (Check out this picture for reference)

Dialogue box: "But a single bullet from an assassin's rifle ended his legacy."


Panel 4 - completely black, with only the text in white.

Text going across the middle of the panel as large as possible: "Or did it?"


Panel 5 - Ash mimicking his pose from Army of Darkness but in a Captain America costume. The "wench" by his side is wearing a S.H.I.E.L.D uniform - Sharon Carter perhaps? (Theo: Perhaps for this, it'd be great to recreate the ENTIRE movie poster of Army of Darkness - click to see - but dress Ash up in a Captain America costume. His chainsaw MUST be seen though. Please put Captain America's shield in Ash's left hand though)

Dialogue box at the top of the panel: "Coming in 2008: Bruce Campbell auditions for the Captain America live action movie!"

Bruce Campbell: "Groovy.


That was just the start of the avalanche of ideas featuring Bruce Campbell as Captain America. Stay tuned for more of that in the next couple of days!

As I said previously, 5 June 2007 must have been the most productive day of my short comic strip scriptwriting "experiment"! I wrote a whole bunch of strips dedicated to two characters in pop culture/comics/entertainment that I really love...but you'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out who they are!

I had previously not written anything about Marvel characters, and since I'm pretty much a Marvel guy, I thought I'd spotlight arguably the most popular Marvel character of all time, Spider-man notwithstanding.

Wolverine's "I'm the best there is at what I do" line is perhaps one of the most used and re-used lines in comic-dom, and I wanted to put a complete spin on that line. Enjoy!


Panel 1 - A close-up shot of Wolverine's face, with half his face burned off and the hair on that side of his head obviously singed and burning. His face is battle scarred and there are some open wounds and bleeds.

Dialogue box across the top of the panel:
"You wanna know what pain is? You don't know pain, bub, until you've met me."


Panel 2 - Wolverine fighting Sabretooth

Dialogue box: "I've been in more scraps than any one person could possibly have. I was born with a chip on my shoulder and a berzerker temper to match it. I'm the little guy, but unlike him, I'm no pushover and give as good as I take."


Panel 3 - Weapon X facility. Wolverine is naked in a human-sized test-tube, his face filled with anguish. Scientists standing around him are injecting adamantium into his pores (you might want to check the Marvel Comics Presents comics or any online image reference about the Weapon X project and how Wolverine got his adamantium, Theo) Wolverine lets out a loud scream of pain.

Dialogue box: "The Weapon X project taught me the true meaning of pain. When you get hot molten metal injected into your pores, you'll know what I mean."


Panel 4 - Wolverine getting the adamantium pulled out of him by Magneto a la the cover (and interior) of X-Men #25

Dialogue box: "And just when I thought the pain could get no worse, along came Magnus to show me how wrong I was."


Panel 5 - Wolverine with his claws popped and his finger beckoning, a la the Frank Miller cover of Wolverine #1 (mini-series) (Click on the link to see the cover, Theo! Perhaps a "Snikt!" somewhere in the panel would be good as well)

Dialogue box: "But whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger.


Panel 6 - Same panel as the last one, but with Wolverine's half burned face and singed hair, a la the first panel of this script.

Dialogue box: "I'm the best there is at what I do, and what I do isn't very nice."


Panel 7 - The camera pulls out and we can see Wolverine standing behind a BBQ grill, with the flame reaching just below his face. It has obviously all gone wrong for him with the flame burning half his face off. Stuck on each of his three claws that have been popped (lower down, so that they aren't visible in the other previous panels) are three separate sausages...feel free to use either chicken wings or whatever else you want to signify that he's at a BBQ.

There are several other X-men at the BBQ and they're all standing impatiently in line, holding plates. Jubilee (or Jean Grey or any other X-Man you can think of that would be funny for this scene) is first in line and she is tapping her foot impatiently.

Jubilee: "Are you done yet?"

Wolverine: "Shut up."


Haha, bub.

Batman Vs Frank Miller

5 July 2007 must have been the most productive day in my short comic strip scripting career, as you'll find out over the next few days/weeks or so when I'm posting up strips ALL written on the specific date. I was just on a roll with ideas pouring out of my mind. This was the very first one I wrote on that day:

Something always irked me about this panel from Frank Miller and Jim Lee's All-Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder:


Now, the bloody title of the comic itself is freaking long and it annoyed the hell out of me already. But to have this kind of panel, where the Batman speaks out of character? He refers to himself as "goddamn"?! Outrageous! He insults Dick Grayson and calls him "dense" and "retarded"?! Blasphemy.

And for it to be written by one Frank Miller, the master scribe, the man who penned two of the most CLASSIC Batman tales of all time, The Dark Knight Returns and Batman: Year One...geez, how he's lost his touch with the Batty one.

Anyway, the panel had always rubbed me the wrong way, ever since I first set my eyes on it, and I thought it'd be really funny to write a script about Batman interacting with Frank Miller. Sin City was one of the best movies of 2006 and I thought I'd take Batman out of his "comfort" zone of Gotham and put him in ANOTHER city much WORSE than Gotham.

It's kind of a bonus that Theo was ALSO a huge fan of Frank Miller AND the goddamn Batman, so in a way, this script was written FOR him too.

Anyway, here's the script!


Panel 1 - Dialogue box at the top of the panel. Batman is perched atop a roof (either crouched or standing) looking down at the streets

"I can smell the musty thick coat of dried blood on every corner. I can hear the screams of the women being beaten up and raped by big sweaty men. If you walk down the right back alley in this town you can find anything. This city reeks of evil. This city reeks of SIN."


Panel 2 - Image same as the first - figured out where Batman is yet?

Dialogue box: "Gotham is like Metropolis, compared to this cesspool of a town. No one knows fear here. No one has..."

Word balloon coming from off-panel, from the right:
"Oi! What the #$%& are you doing on my set?"


Panel 3 - Batman turns and looks to the right. Frank Miller has walked into the panel.

Batman: "What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamn Batman." (Theo, if you could make this appear EXACTLY the way the word balloons appear in All-Star Batman - see the image above - that'd be great!)

Batman: "Who the hell are you?"


Panel 4 - Frank Miller speaks!

Frank: "I'm Frank Miller."


Panel 5 - Both characters just look at each other. Complete silence.


Panel 6 - Batman: "Think I can play Dwight in the next movie, Mr Miller?"

300 Vs Transformers

This one's the last Transformers script for a while that I wrote...heck I think it IS the last Transformers script I've written!

I was having a chat with someone (probably Theo, though I can't remember for certain) about which movie was going to be the blockbuster of the year. Transformers had just come out, but 300 was a super success at the box office a few months prior. (V for Vendetta was uber successful too, but it never really was in contention)

And so the idea for this strip was formed in my mind.


Panel 1 - King Leonidas addressing his 300 Spartans, a la the famous scene from Braveheart.

Leonidas: "We have taken on ALL challengers and we have ruled the Box Office this year! We have shown that we're not just men, we're Spartans!"


Panel 2 - Leonidas continues.

Leonidas: "Spider-man? Pfah, what an emo weakling! Shrek couldn't tame us! The pirates were a bunch of sissy men! WE RULE HOLLYWOOD THIS YEAR! And Tonight! We will dine in hell! FOR SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"


Panel 3 - A huge robotic foot comes out of nowhere and stomps Leonidas flat. A speech bubble comes out from above (off panel).

Optimus: "Autobots! Transform and roll out!"


Panel 4 - The 300 disperse with random lines being uttered by random Spartans.

Line 1: "Well, it was good while it lasted."

Line 2: "Men in costumes just can't beat robots."

Line 3: "I can't believe Bay just pwned Snyder."

A miniaturised Megatron, hiding among the Spartans, turns to a miniaturied Starscream and says: "You fail me yet again, Starscream."


Don't get me wrong though, between Transformers and 300, I know for certain which is the movie I like more: 300. Even if you discount the comic book origins of the movie and my bias preference for movies of that genre, I just think it was a better movie that remained true to the original format. Transformers was awesome and all that...but I liked 300 better.

Are you Ladiesman217?

And here's another script...probably my favourite Transformers script that I have written! There are a couple of versions of this, the first one was written by me:

Panel 1 - Barricade "interrogating" Sam.

Barricade: "Are you Ladiesman217?"

Sam: "Uh..."


Panel 2 - Barricade advances more threateningly and asks more fiercely.

Barricade: "ARE YOU LADIESMAN217?"

Sam: "Uh, no. I'm actually BotLover69."


Panel 3 - Sam flashes a wide toothy grin at Barricade.


Panel 4 - Barricade, with his arms out, leans back and slowly moves away from Sam.

Barricade: "Uh ok. Sorry, my bad."


And then Theo fleshed out the story a bit more with descriptions of how he wanted the panels to look:

Panel 1 - Barricade "interrogating" Sam.
(View from back with Sam down on his butt and his back facing reader, Barricade facing reader, in threatening pose)
Barricade: "Are you Ladiesman217?"

Sam: "Uh..."


Panel 2 - Barricade advances more threateningly and asks more fiercely.

Barricade: "ARE YOU LADIESMAN217?"

Sam: "Uh, no. I'm actually BotLover69."


Panel 3 - Sam flashes a wide toothy grin at Barricade. (focus on evil predatory grin, showing bared teeth)

(Barricade does a o.O face)
Panel 4 - Barricade, with his arms out, leans back and slowly moves away from Sam.

Barricade: "Uh ok. Sorry, my bad."


Theo added more panels and we finally ended up with this:

Panel 1 - Barricade "interrogating" Sam.
(View from back with Sam down on his butt and his back facing reader, Barricade facing reader, in threatening pose)

Panel 2 - (Close up panel, side of Sam's and Barricade's faces)
Barricade: "Are you username LadiesMan217?"

Sam: "Uh..."

Panel 3 - Barricade advances more threateningly and asks more fiercely.
(Close up frontal face shot of a very enraged and impatient Barricade, with slight top of Sam's head at bottom of panel)
Barricade: "ARE YOU USERNAME LADIESMAN217?" (red LED eyes blazing)

Panel 4 - (Show top half of Sam's frightened face, sweat dripping down temple and forehead, focus is on his eyes)
Sam: "Uh, no...."

Panel 5 - (Show bottom half of Sam's face. Sam flashes a wide toothy grin at Barricade. Focus on evil predatory grin, showing bared teeth)
Sam: "I'm actually BotLover69."

(Panels 4 and 5 can be just Sam's full face, but split into two frames showing the two different emotions. Panel 6 just beside 4 and 5)

Panel 6 - (Barricade does a o.O face in surprise and (mouth in) revulsion)

Panel 7 - Barricade, with his arms out, leans back and slowly backs away from Sam.

Panel 8 - (Sam audibly "snaps" on latex glove on his right hand. Right hand in foreground, but not completely blocking Sam's face with evil grin)
Sam: "Playtime."

Panel 9 - (View of other part of "set", not showing Sam and Barricade)
Barricade: "Nuh..nuhhh... NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" (words go across panel)


I did suggest that panel 9 be left out though, because it was unnecessary and the toothy grin signalled Sam's intention already. The 8th panel further cements his predatory ways and the 9th panel seemed gratuitous. Less is more! If the 9th panel was left out, we could leave it up to the imaginations of our readers...and they can think of some pretty nasty things!

And here are the original pencils by Theo:


We probably spent the most time and collaboration on this strip alone. You just can't keep a good script down! :)

Transform and roll out!

Here's another script featuring Transformers written, once again, on 4 July 2007.

I think this has been my weakest script written so far, and it had a horrible one-liner ending. Reading it again, it's really not that funny. I think I was trying to remind people that as cool as the movie Bumblebee was, he was an annoying little twat in the cartoon!

Anyway...enjoy...and I'm saying that very lightly because it's unlikely that you would.


Panel 1 - Optimus Prime, Bumblebee (the old one which turned into a VW) and a few other Autobots standing in a line.

Optimus: "Autobots! Transform and roll out!"


Panel 2 - all the Autobots except Prime and Bumblebee have transformed. Bumblebee looks at Prime and asks:

"Roll out?" The hell does that mean? Shouldn't it be "Drive", or "Speed away", or "Move forward", or "Let's go", or..."


Panel 3 - Optimus takes out his rifle/sword and shoots/chops off Bumblebee's head off his torso.

Panel 4 - The remains of Bumbleebee has fallen to the ground and you can clearly see his "feet" resembling the front of an old school Mercedes Volkswagon. Prime looks straight at the reader and says:

What? He was "bugging" me!


Off panel, or at the bottom right corner of the panel is the word: "ZING!" in bold font.

Chris Latta-mania!

As you'll find out over the next couple of days while I'm moving comic strip scripts from 28 Geeks Later over to this blog, a lot of the initial scripts were Transformers centric. Why's that, you may wonder? Well, the live-action Transformers movie had been in cinemas for about a week and Theo and I had nothing but the robots in disguise on our minds.

I was wondering why Chris Latta, the cartoon voice of Starscream (who was also the voice of Cobra Commander from G.I. Joe), didn't come back to do Starscream's voice in the movie. Found out that he couldn't possibly do the voice...simply because he'd been dead for quite some time! Which inspired this script which I really thought was funny at the time...especially the ending!


Panel 1 - Chris Latta (the voice of Starscream and Cobra Commander) in the panel, delivering a monologue - (Theo: You might want to wikipedia him to see what he looks like)

"Hi, my name is Chris Latta. You may remember me as the voice of Cobra Commander from G.I. Joe and Starscream from Transformers. I was also the voice of Montgomery Burns in the first two seasons of the Simpsons."


Panel 2 - still delivering his monologue

"A lot of people might be wondering: Why wasn't I hired to do the voice of Starscream in the 2007 live action Transformers movie? I know a lot of you are big fans of Starscream and Cobra Commander, thanks mostly to my voice (which I'm sure is more recognisable than Peter Cullen aka Optimus Prime).


Panel 3 - still monologue

"Well, in case some of you don't know, I couldn't audition for the part. I've been dead for 15 years. That's how Hank Azaria got my role in The Simpsons..."

Some random dude sticks his head in the panel and yells: "You disappoint me again, Starscream!"


Panel 4 - Latta stares forward blankly.

Panel 5 - Latta about to leave the panel to chase down the random dude.

"Excuse me while I go kick some fleshling butt. And now you know why I wasn't a part of the movie. And knowing is half the battle. COBRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Transformers webcomic contribution Take 2!

I just realised, it's going to be the weekend tomorrow, so I thought I'd whet my readers appetites by posting another one of completed scripts.

This one was also written on Wed, 4 July 2007:

Panel 1 - Optimus Prime and Megatron, in a scene from Transformers: The Movie (the 1986 cartoon version) about to engage in hand to hand combat.

Optimus: "One shall stand, one shall fall."

Megatron: "Why throw away your life so recklessly, Prime?"


Panel 2 - Optimus and Megatron, engaging in hand to hand cmobat.

Optimus: "That's a question I should be asking you, Megatron."

Megatron: "No! I'll rip out your optics!"


Panel 3 - The music/lyrics of Stan Bush's "The Touch" (from Transformers: The Movie) suddenly blares across the top of the panel.

"...You're at your best when the going gets tough, you've been put to the test but it's never enough...you've got the touch...you've got the power..."

Optimus and Megatron stop fighting momentarily and look upwards at the lyrical text.


Panel 4 - Optimus and Megatron walking off screen.

Megatron: "This movie blows. 'The Touch'? What the hell? Someone put us in a GOOD movie already!"

Optimus: "I heard Michael Bay was available. We need to do something about that pussy Bumblebee though...what a whiner. And who the hell calls their kids 'Spike' nowadays?

Transformers webcomic script take 1

As I said in the previous post, I'm starting to transfer the fleshed-out webcomic scripts I've written on 28 Geeks Later over here. Here's the very first one that I scripted way back on Wednesday, 4 July 2007:

Panel 1 - Devastator (the tank) is rolling across the street, crushing all manners of vehicles in its path.

"GRAH! I am Demolisher, puny humans! Feel my wrath!"

Panel 2 - Random editor sticks his head into the panel. He tells the robot: "Uhm, actually, since there hasn't been any Transformer by that name, we're changing your name to 'Brawl', since there's already a Combaticon by that name. Carry on."

Panel 3 - Devastator transforms and starts picking up humans and flinging them across the panel.

"GRAH! I am Brawl, puny humans! Feel my fury!"

Panel 4 - The same editor sticks his head into the panel again. He tells the robot: "Uh...just did some checking. Your name's listed as 'Devastator' in the movie, so that's what you're called from now on. Please continue."

Panel 5 - Devastator looks bemused and starts stomping on random vehicles.

"GRAH! I am Devastator, puny humans! Feel my power!"

Panel 6 - Same editor sticking his head in again. "Uh...I've been told by Hasbro execs that there's a Devastator already and he's one of the main characters in the next movie, so..."

Panel 7 - Devastator, obviously annoyed at the editor, tears his head off and chomps it down. Half of the editor's body can still be seen in the panel with blood dripping from the now headless neck.

Panel 8 - Devastator resumes the carnage.

"GRAH! I am annoyed at stupid continuity changes. Kill all fleshlings!"


Not the best script in the world. But hey, that was my very first attempt at writing a webcomic strip/script.

I'm sure Theo won't mind, but I'll also put up his initial pencils for what he envisioned as a completed strip:


I'd love to get someone who can finish up the scripts that I'm about to post over the next couple of days. I'm thinking one script per day...should be a month before I'm through moving all the finished scripts. Enjoy!