Friday, October 26, 2007

Mary Jane you wench!

I present to you: The further adventures of Captain Ash! As I said before, I was just on a roll and having a blast scripting Bruce Campbell as Captain America. There's just something so inherently WRONG (and hilarious) about someone in the red, white and blue costume spouting inane lines like "Yo, she-bitch!" and "Come get some", you know?

This one was a two parter. I originally couldn't think up a good ending for this script, so I left it at that and asked for suggestions from Theo. 5 July 2007 once again:

Panel 1 - Captain Ash has Mary Jane Watson in his arms and about to kiss her. MJ clearly has a disgusted look at her face and her hands are trying to push Ash back.

BC: "Gimme some sugar baby."

Panel 2 - All of a sudden, Spider-man swings out of nowhere and kicks Captain Ash in the face.

BC: "Oof!"

Panel 3 - Spider-man and Captain Ash face down each other. Spider-man shoots some web fluid at Captain Ash, who easily cuts it away with his chainsaw. You can clearly see Superman in the background, with red underwear on, flying past, watching the fight.

Dialogue box: "In the most astonishing crossover movie this summer: It's a fight to the death as Captain America and Spider-man fight for Mary Jane Watson's affections...TO THE DEATH!

Spider-man: "You stay away from her, freak!"

BC: "Looks who's talking, you effeminate screwhead! Who dresses up in their underwear to fight?"

Panel 4 - Spider-man puts himself between MJ and Captain Ash.

Spider-man: "To get to her, you've got to go through me!"

Panel 5 - Ash spits on the ground and pulls out his boomstick.

BC: "Yo, she-bitch! Let's go!"

Panels 6 onwards - As much of a fight scene as possible. Please take creative license here Theo...have Captain Ash fighting dirty and cram in as many cheesy "Wham! Bap! Pow!" bubbles like those on the Batman TV series.

Panel X - Spider-man and Captain Ash, clearly tired, their costumes torn and tattered and both men sweating and bleeding, hunch over and face each other for the final time.

BC: "You still want a piece of me? Huh? Come get some."

Alright. I was inspired by this seemingly crazy crossover, but now I can't seem to think of a proper ending that will do this justice. Suggestions, Theo? At this rate, we can have a weekly strip of just Bruce Campbell as Captain America!

No comments: