Tuesday, October 30, 2007

More unseen audition footage of Bruce Campbell!

Lots more Bruce Campbell! Well not really...this was the LAST Bruce Campbell script I wrote. But I enjoyed every single minute of writing Bruce Campbell's extraordinary adventures!

This one written on 6 July 2007, inspired by some very famous movies:

Panel 1 - Completely empty, with just the words filling up the panel.

Dialogue box: "For the first time ever! Never before seen audition footage of Bruce Campbell!"

Panel 2 - Darth Vader and BC, in full Jedi gear, in combat on the Death Star, lightsaber and chainsaw interlocked together.

Dialogue box: "Star Wars!"

Darth Vader: "I've been waiting for you Obi-Wan. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was the learner, but now I am the master."

BC: "Honey, you got reeeeal ugly."

Panel 3 - BC and Vader are still locked in combat, Vader whirling his lightsaber while BC waves his chainsaw around like a madman.

Darth Vader: "The force is strong in this one."

BC: "Say hello to the 21st century! Come get some."

Panel 4 - BC as Indiana Jones, seated in one of those mining carts from The Temple of Doom. Shorty (that annoying Asian kid from Temple of Doom) is seated next to him with an anguished look on his face. Shorty's hands are clasped to both sides of his face, a la Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. BC snaps his whip to release the clutch/lever to get the mining cart moving off the track.

Dialogue box: "Indiana Jones!"

Shorty: "Indy! They're behind us!"

BC: "Buckle up bonehead, 'cause we're going for a ride!"

Panel 5 - The boat from Jaws. BC is dressed as the grizzled Captain and Roy Schneider (the doctor from Jaws) has just seen the Great White shark and backs into the cabin of the boat uttering the most famous line from the movie.

Dialogue box: "Jaws!"

Roy Schneider: "You're gonna need a bigger boat."

BC: "Now whoa whoa whoa right there, spinach chin!"

Panel 6 - BC advances to the stern of the boat and spots the Great White. He pulls out his shotgun and waves it frantically in the air.

BC: "Look here you ugly mug, this is my BOOMSTICK!"

Panel 7 - The shark swims away.

BC: "That's it, go ahead and run. Run home and cry to mama!"

Panel 8 - BC is dressed as Gandalf, in the famous scene from Lord of the Rings where he "sacrifices" himself to block the Balrog's past.

Dialogue box: "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring!"

Frodo: "Gandalf!"

BC (turning backwards): "Who wants to know?"

Panel 9 - BC raises his chainsaw in an attempt to scare the Balrog off.

BC: "My name's Ashley J. Williams. I work in S-Mart. Housewares. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that? Run home and cry to mama."

Panel 10 - BC slams his chainsaw down onto the ground.

BC: "
YOU !!! SHALL NOT !!! PASS....WIND !!!"

Panel 11 - The Balrog looks confused for a moment, then advances.

Panel 12 - BC tries a different approach.

BC: "Uh...klaatu varada nikto?"

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