LMS: Catwoman Vs Black Cat

This is the final LMS feature I wrote on 27 September 2007. It is ALSO the final post on the blog Theo and I share, 28 Geeks Later. That blog has shrivelled away, seemingly into oblivion, just like Kelvin's blog. Ah well. I won't be posting anything on there anytime soon...have other better things to do. You can't say I haven't been trying to keep that blog alive when I was posting features there, until I got tired of it. It was a nice experiment and Theo and I wanted to work on comics together for a long time...but it didn't work out unfortunately.

So anyway, enjoy this final feature. Who knows, I might be inspired and motivated to create more of these in the future!

In a tribute to my beloved Geelong Cats playing this Saturday in the AFL Grand Final, let's have too felines battle it out in today's Last Man Standing feature!

From the DC Universe, Batman's former paramour and long-time nemesis/ally, it's Selina Kyle, Catwoman!

From the Marvel Universe, Spider-man's former fuckbuddy and possible booty-call partner, it's Felicia Hardy, the Black Cat!


Tale of the Tape

Jumps across the rooftops of:
Catwoman - Gotham City
Black Cat - New York City

Kinky weapon of choice
Catwoman - Black leather whip
Black Cat - sex appeal

Hates:
Catwoman - long dangly thread-like things
Black Cat - hairballs

Favourite cartoon character
Catwoman - Azrael, Gargamel's cat from the Smurfs
Black Cat - Felix

Most noticeable feature
Catwoman - cat cowl made famous in "Ghost World"
Black Cat - S&M bondage leather-tight suit with furry accessories

THE PLAYERS:
Selina Kyle worked as a prostitute until her sister Maggie was abducted and violently abused by Selina's pimp. Selina kills her pimp and then goes on to be the anti-hero and sometime villain Gotham would come to know as Catwoman!

The daughter of a famous cat burglar, Felicia Hardy was raped at a young age by her college boyfriend. Hating the idea of being a victim, she trained in various fighting styles and acrobatics but her boyfriend was killed before she could get her revenge. Felicia then followed in her father's footsteps as the furry feline with bad luck powers, the Black Cat!

THE BATTLE:
Selina Kyle is hosting a charity for Gotham's elite in which the famous jewels of the Nile are being displayed from her own private collection. "How I wish Bruce were here to see this," Selina thinks to herself. "I've become one of Gotham's most well-known socialites!"

As the last guest leaves for the evening and Selina shuts the doors to the ballroom, a black figure slinks from the shadows in the ceiling. Careful not to trip any invisible wires, Felicia Hardy licks her lips as she carefully removes the glass container holding the jewels. "Come to momma, my pretties!" Felicia exclaims, hardly believing how easy this heist was turning out to be.

Without warning, a crack thunders through the air and Felicia feels hot needles of pain shooting through her hand, forcing her to drop the glass container which shatters on the ground. "Just what do you think you're doing bitch?" Catwoman asks as she emerges from the shadows, twirling her trusty whip menacingly around. "Funny, I didn't think there was another cat burglar for miles," Felicia taunts as she licks off the fresh blood streaming from the open wound on her hand.

The two combatants circle each other steathily, neither one making a sound. At the same instant, both females leap at each other and both land on the ground, hissing at each other and tearing at each other's costumes. A piece of Black Cat's white fur flies; a portion of Catwoman's skin-tight costume gets torn down the middle. Both combatants refuse to let go of each other and try to claw each other's eyes out.

As the two ladies roll around along the ground, the unthinkable happens: the chandelier from the roof gets dislodged from its housing and it falls to the ground. With a swift kick to Catwoman's midsection, Black Cat frees herself from Catwoman's grasp and rolls out of the way...just in time as the chandelier crashes into the prone body of Catwoman. Still semi-conscious, Catwoman manages to let out a soft groan: "Those...jewels...are...Bruce's..." Black Cat picks herself off the ground and aims another kick at Catwoman's head, knocking her truly unconscious.

"Sorry sugar, but bad luck follows anyone trying to tangle with me," she purrs as she gathers the jewels and stuffs them in her loot sack. "And there's only room for one top cat in this city!"

Winner: The Black Cat


Meow.

LMS: Silver Surfer Vs Dr Manhattan

It's kind of hard to top off the previous two LMS features I wrote, since they were all basically free-for-all slugfights and were so much fun to write!

Decided my next LMS, written on 25 September 2007, was going to be between two stoic, but unbelievably powerful characters:


Let's pit two of the most powerful members in their respective universes against each other! On the one side, Norrin Radd. On the other, Dr Jon Osterman!


Tale of the Tape

Home:
Silver Surfer - space, originally Zenn-La
Dr Manhattan - New York City

Nature:
Silver Surfer - compassionate, loves all living things
Dr Manhattan - aloof, thinks he's above all living things

Complexion:
Silver Surfer - chrome silver, shiny, smooth and cold to the touch
Dr Manhattan - sky blue, blends in when standing in front of a blue screen

Most often mistaken for:
Silver Surfer - T-1000 from Terminator 2
Dr Manhattan - a balder, nuder version of Blue Devil

Most distasteful feature:
Silver Surfer - the surfboard. What is this, the 90s?
Dr Manhattan - walking around nude 80 per cent of the time

THE PLAYERS:
In order to save his home planet from the planet-eater Galactus, Norrin Radd pledges to serve as Galactus' herald, surfing the spaceways as the power-cosmic imbued Silver Surfer!

After an accident in a nuclear physics experiment, Dr Jon Osterman finds himself reborn with the ability to control matter at a molecular level, fighting supercrime as the all-powerful hero, Dr Manhattan!

THE BATTLE:
The Surfer's search for a planet that can sustain the great Galactus' hunger leads him to a familiar planet; a city which has streets caked in dried blood; grime and dirt on every passing corner; a world harbouring on nuclear holocaust: Earth! Deciding that this planet's beings are about to destroy themselves anyway, Surfer fires a beacon into space, signalling to his master that his search for a new food source is over!

From halfway across the world at the peak of Mt Kilimanjaro where Dr Manhattan is meditating, he feels the strange sensation of a power unfamiliar to him. Dr Manhattan opens his eyes in time to see the light beacon careening through the sky. Within an instant, Dr Manhattan traces the beacon to the origin and teleports himself to New York City. The Silver Surfer hovers above the Empire State Building when all of a sudden, he feels the atoms in the air shifting behind him and where there once was nothing, now stands a peculiar blue man.

The surfer instantly recognises a kindred soul: someone who cannot relate to the world he lives in; someone who's great power supercedes the other inhabitants on the planet; someone who's as nude as he is. "My name is Norrin Radd and I sense in you great pain," Surfer says as he opens up his palm and stretches it towards Dr Manhattan.

"Leave," Dr Manhattan growls and with an outstretched arm, he snaps his finger, trying to force the Silver Surfer to dematerialise before him. "Eh?" Dr Manhattan gasps as nothing happens. "The power I feel in you...I can't atomise you?" The Surfer is puzzled, not certain of the strange tingling sensation he feels against his skin. "You are too powerful to be on this planet. Begone." Dr Manhattan growls again as he shoots hot lava into the Surfer's chest, knocking him off his board.

As the Surfer freefalls, he shakes his head sadly. "Surely I have misjudged this one. But if it's a fight he wants, then let the power cosmic surging through me be the end of his pitiful existence! To me, my board!" the Surfer muses as his surfboard shifts in midair, flies back and catches the Surfer on his feet.

The Surfer unleashes a salvo of cosmic blasts towards Dr Manhattan, all of which are dissipated in mid-flight with a simple wave of Dr Manhattan's hand. "Truly you are powerful. Surely we can try to attain some peaceful negotiation?" the Surfer says. Dr Manhattan's reply is to harden his fist into diamond and punch the Surfer in the face.

Dazed, the Surfer feels a trickle of wetness flow down his lips. He wipes his face with the back of his forearm, only to realise the Dr Manhattan has done what a billion other sentient beings across the universe has failed to do: make the Surfer bleed! Enraged, the Surfer starts zipping across the sky, unleashing bolt after bolt of cosmic energy towards Dr Manhattan. None of them reach its target.

Dr Manhattan waves his arm and all of a sudden, the Surfer gets caught in a prison of adamantium shaped as a ball! Dr Manhattan constricts the ball of adamantium as the Surfer lets out an anguished scream. The ball gets tinier and tinier...and then it self implodes with a blaze of cosmic energy lighting up the sky! "You were a strange one invading this cesspool of a world...but this is MY world and invaders will not be tolerated," Dr Manhattan says coldly. Suddenly, a roar of thunder erupts in the sky and Dr Manhattan's persona is buffetted by waves of cosmic force so powerful that it brings him to his knees.

"Where is my herald?" a booming voice erupts from the sky above. "I no longer sense his presence."

"INVADERS. WILL. NOT. BE. TOLERATED." Dr Manhattan deadpans as he unleashes the fury of his powers in a futile attempt to get rid of the world devourer. Hours later, the planet is left a lifeless empty shell as Galactus leaves in search of his next meal. "I really should have made that blue creature my new herald, but he was such an annoying insect...and he made for a nice appetiser."

Winner: Dr Manhattan. That is, before he chose to attack Galactus.

LMS: The Ultimates Vs The Avengers

Cmon...was it REALLY that hard to predict that I was going to write a LMS article featuring the Ultimates? And is it that hard to predict I'd do something to incorporate my favourite line in all comicdom somewhere into the story?

This one was written and published on 19 September 2007:


The Marvel Universe's premier two superteams battle it out! The biggest guns of the Ultimate universe take on their contemporary counterparts from the regular Marvel universe.

But which Avengers roster should be represented? I guess since the two teams are duking it out, it'd be fair to have each team be represented by their alternative world counterparts, yeah? So we can tell which Hawkeye is better, which Black Widow is deadlier, etc etc.


Tale of the Tape

Home:
The Ultimates - The Triskelion: military base with the highest tech equipment available, sponsored by military intelligence of S.H.I.E.L.D.
The Avengers - The Avengers Mansion: posh, swanky, comes with own personal butler

Most powerful member:
The Ultimates - Thor: new-age freak of nature
The Avengers - The Mighty Thor: The Odinson, God of Thunder

Liable to destroy the team at any given moment:
The Ultimates - Hulk: horny and has a mad-on for using people's heads as toilets
The Avengers - Scarlet Witch: insane in the membrane with reality altering powers

Most hated scripter of their adventures:
The Ultimates - Mark Millar: He let the Wasp singlehandedly take down Hulk! The wuss!
The Avengers - Brian Michael Bendis: He killed some Avengers and disbanded the team! The swine!

Useless sidekick:
The Ultimates - Jarvis the butler
The Avengers - D-Man, smells like crap

THE PLAYERS:
When America needs to develop its own government-sponsored superhero strike force, S.H.I.E.L.D. general Nick Fury is entrusted in recruiting America's most powerful heroes to serve as members of the superpowered initiative known as The Ultimates!

Earth's mightiest heroes banded together to fight against the forces no single hero could stand up to. Whenever the world is in danger, the human race can take solace in knowing that in their darkest hour, they can heed the rally cry of "Avengers Assemble!"

THE BATTLE:
Tired of constantly being The Avengers' whipping boy, a mischievious Loki amuses himself watching an alternate world version of The Avengers easily defeating the alien Chitauri race...and then turning on each other with maximum catastrophic results! Noting this unfamiliar team's penchant for brutality, Loki casts a spell that teleports his sworn enemies, The Avengers, into the heart of the Triskelion, causing a few thousand S.H.I.E.L.D soldiers to simultaneously implode from the vacuum created by the wormhole portal!

Startled at the invaders, the remaining S.H.I.E.L.D forces all start pointing their hi-tech rifles at the Avengers, who are still seated at their polished pine table, trying to finish their afternoon tea!

"What treachery be this?" yells an enraged Thor as he warily eyes several S.H.I.E.L.D agents starting to assemble some sort of projectile launcher. "Attac....!" a S.H.I.E.L.D commander starts to yell out, but before he can finish his sentence, the entire battalion is down on the ground unconscious with their weapons disassembled, courtesy of the fleetfooted Quicksilver! "A piece of cake..." the arrogant Pietro starts to remark, when he gets floored by a repulsor blast from the sky.

"Take them down hard and fast!" growls Ultimate Captain America, as he releases himself from Giant Man's grip and executes a perfect rolling somersault, landing face-to-face with his Marvel universe counterpart. Both combatants eye each other warily as they start testing each other...a strike, a parry, a thrust, a dodge. The rest of the teams start pairing up against each other. Ultimate Quicksilver easily dispatches his counterpart who's still dazed from Ultimate Iron Man's repulsor blast. Natasha Romanoff easily dodges the bullets from her Ultimate counterpart's assault rifle and knocks her out cold with a couple of well placed widow's bite blasts. Clint Barton takes out Ultimate Hawkeye with a strategically well-placed boxing glove.

Ultimate Iron Man realises first hand how inadequate his armour is when compared to Tony Stark's, when Stark's own armour easily out maneuovres it in mid-air...Ultimate Iron Man's armour moves like a rock in the sky and Tony easily accounts for his counterpart. The Odinson gets his ass handed to him by Ultimate Thor, who's willing to cut loose with everything he has. Janet Pym has too much fighting prowess for Ultimate Wasp and Ultimate Giant Man is much too big and strong for Hank Pym.

Meanwhile, Steve Rogers and Ultimate Cap have reached a stalemate, neither one giving an inch or backing down to the other. Suddenly Rogers tucks his shield to his side and stretches out an open right palm towards Ultimate Cap. "This is pointless. I don't know why we're being attacked for no reason. We're too evenly matched. Both of us are soldiers, you and I. Call off your troops and I'll call off mine...surely the two of us can reach a diplomatic solution?" says Rogers with a smile on his face.

Ultimate Cap looks at Rogers' outstretched hand, grins, then reaches out and shakes it...and without warning, he kicks Rogers' hard in the gonads! Rogers drops to his knees, using his free left hand to grab his crotch in pain. Without letting go of Rogers' right hand, Ultimate Cap uses his shield and smashes Rogers in the face, knocking him out cold.

"Diplomatic solution? In my language, that means surrender," smirks Ultimate Cap. Ultimate Cap then points to the "A" on his head and yells: "And surrender? SURRENDER?! YOU THINK THIS LETTER ON MY HEAD STANDS FOR FRANCE??!!" Ultimate Cap starts to walk away, then turns back and says to a prone Rogers: "The letter on this head stands for 'Asshole'. As in, I'm willing to fight dirty to get the win, scumbag."

Suddenly, Wanda Maximoff starts to lose a grip on reality after being subject to one of Ultimate Scarlet Witch's hex spells. "ARRRRGHH!!!" Wanda yells, as reality starts to fracture around her. Ultimate Scarlet Witch gets caught up in the vortex and is blinked out of existence in less than a nanosecond! More and more heroes start getting hurled into the vortex...and into oblivion. Tony Stark, Ultimate Giant Man, Quicksilver... "Pietro!" Wanda screams, but it is too late to save her brother. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a lumbering beast drops out of the sky and lands next to Wanda, obliterating the ground beneath him. The beast aims a backhand at Wanda's head, knocking it clean off and dispersing the reality-ending vortex.

"Mission accomplished, Banner," a loudspeaker cries out from the helicopter above, with Nick Fury signalling for Hulk to finish off the other Marvel Universe opponents. Hulk does exactly that, easily accounting for and dispatching the rest of The Avengers with brutal efficiency. But after the last Avenger has fallen, Hulk, in a mindless bloodrage, turns on his Ultimate teammates! "HULK SMASH!" yells the behemoth, as Ultimate Cap and Thor throw themselves headfirst into battle with one of their own.

Winners: The Ultimates...that is, if they don't kill themselves after beating The Avengers!


That took me a while to write! Phew! Maybe I should do away with team battles...it's much easier just going with single characters!

I was originally going for an angle where Scarlet Witch notices Ultimate Quicksilver and drops the devillish remark of: "He may look just like my brother, but what a hunk!" then decides that it's not incest if you're...erm...committing adultery with your alternate world brother, and the two of them walk off hand in hand...or speed off to some seedy motel somewhere. :p

LMS: Marvel Zombies Vs Dawn of the Dead Zombies Vs 28 Weeks Later Zombies

Inspired after Theo's hand at crafting two Last Man Standing features, I wrote the first of my four Last Man Standing features on 14 September 2007.

It's zombie-riffic with a trifecta of Zombies from different worlds!

Here are the original comments I posted in the blog entry too:


You know this would happen sooner or later, consider how aptly our blog is titled: A trifecta battle of zombies!

Cue klaxon blaring and a monster truck announcer yelling out:

ZOMBIES ZOMBIES ZOMBIES on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!



Tale of the Tape

From:
Marvel Zombies - An alternate Marvel universe
Dawn of the Dead Zombies - Milwaukee, Wisconsin aka Cheese Country
28 Weeks Later Zombies - Dreary olde England

Powers:
Marvel Zombies - the adamantium claws and healing factor of Wolverine, the repulsor rays and many other weapons of Iron Man, the strength of the Hulk...basically all the powers of the heroes (and villains) of the Marvel Universe
Dawn of the Dead Zombies - able to run really fast
28 Weeks Later Zombies - able to grunt loudly, make really terrifying noises and explode messily

Disposition:
Marvel Zombies - often cheery, but occasionally pissed off
Dawn of the Dead Zombies - aggressive, violent and think the whole world owes them a feeding
28 Weeks Later Zombies - stoned, like permanently on weed and other drugs

Favourite body part to eat:
Marvel Zombies - spleen
Dawn of the Dead Zombies - liver
28 Weeks Later Zombies - brain

Human protagonist(s) that killed most of their numbers:
Marvel Zombies - Ashley J. Williams
Dawn of the Dead Zombies - Ving Rhames and Sarah Polley
28 Weeks Later Zombies - Cillian Murphy

THE PLAYERS:
Led by Colonel America, the Avengers sought to stop the invasion of their planet by an infected Sentry. But all it took was one bite, then another, and another, and soon the Marvel Universe ceased to exist, and born was a world...of Marvel Zombies!

No one knows what started the outbreak of infections that led to the rise of Zombies in Wisconsin. The zombie infection plague spread wide and fast across the state and soon the rest of America was infected in less than 36 hours. As the food supply drastically decreases, all the Dawn of the Dead Zombies can do...is feel even hungrier.

In England, chimpanzees that were dosed with the deadly "Rage virus" were freed by witless animal rights activists...who were the first to be attacked and bitten by the chimps, turning them into mindless zombies, seeking only to infect the rest of the United Kingdom!

THE BATTLE:
As Ashley J. Williams jumps through the wormhole created by the Necronomicon, he turns back and gives the Marvel Zombies (MZs) the finger. Enraged, Sorcerer Supreme Dr Strange casts a magical spell that keeps the wormhole open...and soon the MZs are jumping through the wormhole to catch the boomstick-wielding sonovagun! A hungry Hulk smashes his way to the front of the pack, only to accidentally crush Dr Strange's head, breaking his concentration and sending the MZs spinning wildly out of control in the wormhole and crash landing in the old remains of Big Ben in London.

"Wrrr?" one of the 28 Weeks Later Zombies (28WLZs) grunts, as it looks up just in time to catch a kick in the face from your friendly and rotting neighbourhood Spider-man. "Ewww...gross! I've heard of getting ahead, but this is ridiculous!" Spidey exclaims as the zombie's head explodes at the slightest of touches. The 28WLZs stop chasing a hapless Cillian Murphy and turn to face their new enemies. What they lack in firepower, they more than make up for in numbers, and the 28WLZs charge in blindly, hoping to swarm the MZs en masse.

Without warning, large ocean liner smashes into one of the jetties across the River Thames and the battle is soon joined by the Dawn of the Dead Zombies (DDZs), fresh from eviscerating Ving Rhames and Sarah Polley and making the transatlantic trip all the way from the US! The battle is joined as all the zombies start tearing into each other in an attempt to put their breed at the top of the food chain. Sinews tear, legs break, brains explode as the sound of gnashing and gnawing escalate to a feverish pitch.

An enraged Hulk goes ballistic and yells out: "RRRAAGH! Hulk mad! And the madder Hulk gets, the hungrier Hulk gets! Hulk hungriest one there is!" And with that, Hulk bites down on the head of a DDZ and an arm of a 28WLZ. "You no taste very good. Hulk feel sick," exclaims Hulk as he regurgitates the nasty rotting flesh from his mouth.

"Citizens, stop! Can't you see this fighting is pointless?" yells Colonel America, as he kicks a DDZ in the groin. "Why all this pointless fighting? We should be working together to look for fresh meat to feast on!" All the zombies give pause momentarily. Wolverine sniffs the air and locates Cillian Murphy, who's trying to hide unsuccessfully in the clock face of Big Ben. "GET HIM!" yells Luke Cage, as a mass of zombies all surge towards the hapless Murphy. "No no, get AWAY! Leave me alone! I was the Scarecrow in Batman Begins! I was the terrifying villain in Red Eye! I was..." But his words get cut short as Iron Man, able to move faster than all the other zombies, thanks to his armour, takes a big chomp out of Murphy's oesophagus.

"Come on guys! There's plenty of him for just us Avengers," Iron Man says, as he flies off with Murphy's body, motioning for the rest of the MZs to follow him. The DDZs and 28WLZs try to follow in vain as they realise their greatest failing: none of them can fly! The MZs all work together and fly, leap or swing their way away from the carnage, while the DDZs and 28WLZs are left stranded to wander around fruitlessly, wondering where their next meal will be coming from.

Winners: The Marvel Zombies


Hope that one went well. What do you think, Theo? There really shouldn't be any question about the Marvel Zombies winning this one...it's like Brazil taking on Singapore in football.

LMS: White Martian Vs Super Skrull

Theo came up with another Last Man Standing feature on 13 September 2007, with a couple of edits and additions from me, mostly stuff in Tale of the Tape:

Ian says: You have been edited!

Tale of the Tape

Height:
White Martian - variable (6'4 usually)
Super Skrull - variable (6'2 usually)

Weight:
White Martian - variable (250 lbs usually)
Super Skrull - variable (220 lbs usually)

Complexion:
White Martian - Granite smooth and pasty-white
Super Skrull - like the surface of the moon...in green

Hates:
White Martian - other Martians that aren't white (wot a racist!)
Super Skrull - Earthlings

Classic embarassing moment:
White Martian - Being mistaken for the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man
Super Skrull - Losing a fight to Dazzler

THE PLAYERS:
Powerful adversaries to the Justice League of America (JLA), the White Martians' schemes of world domination were thwarted by the JLA and subsequently brainwashed by Green Martian J'onn J'onzz and Aquaman to live as humans among humans.

Forced by Kree aggression, the Skrulls became a militaristic civilisation and currently use their advanced technologies and shape-shifting powers in their attempts to conquer the Universe.

THE BATTLE:
Freed from the mental confines of believing that he is only human, the white Martian, Fluxus, screams in anger for the blood of J'onn J'onzz. He catches a glimpse of green flying in the far horizon and flies at it, believing his target to be the J'onn, hitting a surprised Skrull, Kl'rt, squarely in the chest. Kl'rt very quickly recovers, changes his arm to be like The Thing's, and pummels Fluxus, while wrapping around him tightly a la Reed Richards. Fluxus, still fresh from his confusion, screams, "Is that the best you can do, J'onn?!" He shapeshifts into Superman and slugs Kl'rt with a powerful right hook. Stunned, Kl'rt quickly turns invisible to observe his opponent, but Fluxus quickly locates him telepathically and attacks him with psi-spikes to the head. Kl'rt shrieks in pain and in a panicked attempt, uses the powers of Johnny Storm. The last thing Fluxus remembers is his own howl of pain as he catches fire and falls to the sea...

LMS: Batman Vs Iron Man

Well, no more scripts have been written. But because I posted up the Wizard Last Man Standing, Theo decided to start writing some LMS features of his own, with a couple of edits by yours truly. That lasted like TWO LMS features from Theo. <_<

Anyway, posting them here for posterity:

Tale of the Tape

Height:
Batman - 6'1
Iron Man - 6'8 (in armour, 6'1 as Tony Stark)

Weight:
Batman - 190 lbs
Iron Man - 1 ton (in armour, 170 lbs as Tony Stark)

Movie Girlfriend of choice:
Batman - Katie Holmes
Iron Man - Gwyneth Paltrow

Richer than:
Batman - Montgomery Burns
Iron Man - Richard Branson

Likes to spend money on:
Batman - Those wonderful toys
Iron Man - Alcohol

THE PLAYERS: After watching a mugger murder his parents, young Bruce Wayne embarked on a one-man war on crime, prowling the night as the brooding vigilante Batman!

After being injured near fatally by a exploded bomb's fragment inching its way towards his heart and held captive by terrorists, Tony Stark built himself a suit to keep his heart pumping and introduce himself to the world as the Armoured Avenger, Iron Man!

THE BATTLE:
Fresh from his knock-down no-holds-barred battle against Bane, Batman staggers away from the dank sewers, thankful that his spine is left intact from his latest skirmish with the drugged-up powerhouse. As Batman climbs out of the sewers, he hears an almost inaudible whine of hi-tech twin jet engines. Up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! "Must be one of Toyman's gadgets," thinks Batman, observing a shiny red and gold glint careening across the sky. "This ends tonight!" Batman vows and pursues his target. Meanwhile, Iron Man's proximity alert informs him of a volley of fast approaching projectiles. He swings around but cannot avoid the exploding Batarangs, which temporarily blind and ground him. Batman seizes the opportunity to land a roundhouse kick into Iron Man's headpiece, with no discernable effect other than giving Bats a sore foot. Batman knows he has to end this battle fast, and unleashes a volley of batarangs at Iron Man's head.

Determined to get the unknown pointy eared assailant away from him, Iron Man fires up his chest-mounted unibeam and Batman unceremoniously crashes onto Wayne Tower's roof below. Batman quickly realises that he can't match his opponent's powered suit and decides to get crafty. He throws a smoke bomb to cover his tracks and flings more batarangs at Iron Man, striking his head, arms and chest. "Were those meant to stop me?" the unethereal voice intones from the suit. "No," Batman growls, "They were." and presses a trigger on his belt. A strong short range electromagnetic pulse fires up from the Batarangs' deposits and courses through Iron Man, sending him plummeting to the hard ground below and leaving him unconscious from the crash.

Somewhere in Wayne Tower, an oblivious cleaner turns up the volume to his favourite song and hums "Another one bites the dust..."

LMS: JLA: Year One Vs The Avengers

This is it! The final Last Man Standing feature on Wizard Universe...EVER! Waahhhh...but I need my LMS fix!

So...what am I going to post on this blog if I don't really have any articles from Wizard I wanna put up, or I don't have any reviews or rants or anything of the sort?

Oh noes! Blog death!

Anyway, let's not delay the final LMS feature ever. Today's one is a doozy...what a great way to end of this fantastic regular feature.


LAST MAN STANDING

JLA: Year One vs. Original Avengers

Art by MARK BAGLEY and ART THIBERT

TALE OF THE TAPE
JLA: Year One		Original Avengers
Secret Cave	HQ	Swanky Mansion
Aquaman	Weakest Link	Ant-Man
Snapper Carr	Annoying Sidekick	Rick Jones
Uhm... northin'	Battle Cry	Avengers Assemble!
Canary in fishnets	Sex Appeal	Thor's dreamy hair

Banded together to protect Earth from alien invaders, the greatest heroes of the time—Green Lantern, Flash, Black Canary, Martian Manhunter and Aquaman—formed the Justice League of America to combat threats too large for any one hero to meet!

After defeating the Asgardian God of Mischief Loki, Thor, Iron Man, the Hulk, Ant-Man and Wasp teamed up to form the Avengers, Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, who fight menaces no one hero could face alone!!

THE BATTLE... Still seething with godly rage after his initial loss to the Avengers, Loki concocts a new scheme of revenge. Sending out a phony distress call to the JLA about a group of “supervillains” called the Avengers attacking New York City, Loki tricks the two teams into battling one another. As the teams square off, the Wasp and Ant-Man try a two-pronged attack against Black Canary, who makes quick work of the diminutive duo with a powerful sonic scream that leaves the pair unconscious. Flash isolates Iron Man, surrounding him with a vortex that sucks his air supply dry in minutes. The Hulk makes short work of Aquaman, whose underwater physique is no match for the gamma-powered juggernaut. The Hulk turns and is surprised to see his twin—a second Hulk, who is actually a shape-changed Manhunter! Pressing his advantage, Manhunter telepathically prods the Hulk into joining him and the rest of the JLA against Thor, who’s giving Green Lantern all he can handle. The Thunder God struggles valiantly as always, but even a god can be outnumbered, and he’s eventually overwhelmed by superior forces and teamwork. Two thoughts fill his head as he falls defeated—“The Avengers doth sorely require a field leader” and “We must expel the Hulk.”


You know, there seem to be some similarities to this final feature to the LMS feature I wrote of The Ultimates Vs The Avengers. I must say that I honestly did not read this particular feature before I wrote that one though...must have been subconsciously remembering stuff from this feature. The Loki set-up similiarity is spooky though.

I protest at the way this battle has finished. Yes, any team with someone as unstable as the Hulk in it could cop a hiding by their own teammate, but surely, between Iron Man and Thor alone, they'd be able to handle EVERY single member of the JLA, even the big guns Green Lantern and Flash, who might I point out are the only big guns (since Martian Manhunter can be taken out like a piece of toast once Iron Man fires his heat ray at him). So BOOOOOOOO to The Avengers losing to the first incarnation of the JLA!

The more updated membership of the JLA boosting the big three, Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman, would have made short work of The Avengers though, with OR without Captain America leading them.

LMS: Justice Society of America Vs Invaders

Here's the penultimate Last Man Standing feature! And it be a last TEAM standing feature too!

This one really should be no contest, even though Captain America IS on the Invaders. The JSA have too much firepower in their ranks. When your team's most powerful member is Namor, the Submariner, and the other team has got Wonder Woman, Green Lantern and Flash, all of whom should be able to take Namor out singlehandedly, you know you're in trouble.


LAST TEAM STANDING
Justice Society of America Vs. Invaders
Art by Stephen Sadowski and Andy Lanning

Origins... After British Prime Minister Winston Churchill witnessed Captain America, Human Torch and Sub-Mariner foiling a Nazi U-boat attack, he compelled the heroes to remain together to fight for the Allies against the Axis powers—and thus, the Invaders were born!

The greatest heroes of the Golden Age, the Justice Society first formed to stop a Nazi assassination attempt on President Roosevelt and went on to become the first—and greatest—collection of superheroes ever!

The Battle... While attempting to safeguard the same Allied ammo dump, the JSA and the Invaders mistake one another for Nazi saboteurs—and the fight is on! Flash quickly runs Whizzer into the ground, Hourman makes short work of Spitfire and Union Jack suffers a severe beating at the hands of Mr. Terrific. That leaves the three big Invaders—Cap, Torch and Namor—against the combined might of the JSA. Terrific and Hourman find they don’t like the taste of Cap’s shield, which takes both upstarts out of the fight. Hawkman is no match for the sea-born strength of Namor, who easily plucks the feathers from the Winged Warrior. With their ranks thinned, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern and the Flash are the last of the JSAers standing as they square off against the “Big Three” of the Invaders. With a giant emerald fist, Green Lantern swats Torch to the ground, where the Flash runs circles around the android until the vacuum created by the vortex extinguishes his flame and leaves him unconscious. With the speed of Hermes, Wonder Woman joins Flash in a super-speed attack against Captain America, who pushes himself to the brink of exhaustion, even managing to take out Flash courtesy of a well-placed shield toss. But that leaves him defenseless, and the depleted Star-Spangled Avenger is no match for the Herculean strength of Diana—even though Cap absorbs enough punishment to take out a regiment of soldiers! Wonder Woman and Namor then trade terrible blows that destroy the landscape worse than any Nazi shelling. Needing a breather, Namor’s power of flight takes him out of range—and right into GL’s sights, as Sub-Mariner finds himself in an emerald net tough enough to hold a thrashing sperm whale. Namor strains with all his Atlantean might, shouting “Imperius Rex!” as he finds the willpower to somehow break free of the net. But that act drops him to the ground and into the waiting haymaker of Wonder Woman, who delivers a Joe Louis-like knockout blow that takes Namor—and the Invaders—out of the fight!

LMS: DC/Marvel Girls gone wild!

Into the final three LMS features!

This time around, it's a free-for-all battle between the heroes of the fairer gender of the Marvel and DC universes. With awesome art by Ed Benes, the current penciller on JLA.

Can you spell "catfight"?

LAST MAN STANDING

DC/Marvel Girls gone wild!

Art by Ed Benes & Alex Lei

TALE OF THE TAPE
All the Marvel chicks		All the DC tamatas
Jean Grey, mutant married to Cyclops	Big Gun	Wonder Woman, mythological broad who fought a cyclops
Firestar	Hot Redhead	Starfire
Midriff	Most exploited surface	Cleavage
Trading Spaces	Favorite show (collectively)	Will & Grace

A flash of light, the sizzle of scorched ozone and all the female heroes of the Marvel and DC Universes find themselves face to face with one thought burning brightly in their minds: FIGHT! Wonder Woman leads the charge, barreling through Rogue and Warbird before being locked in battle with an enraged She-Hulk. Elektra makes short work of the Huntress and Black Canary before being fought to a standstill by Batgirl. The temperature begins to climb on the battlefield, but the women—costumes pasted to their tight superheroine bodies with sweat—carry on.

Starfire slips into her berserker warrior mode, cutting low the Scarlet Witch and Storm before meeting her match in the Invisible Woman. With costumes torn and tattered, the battle rages. Jean Grey feels the Phoenix Force begin to build and welcomes it, rebuffing the combined attacks of Power Girl, Mary Marvel and Hawkgirl. Star vs. Spider-Girl! Jade vs. the Wasp! White Queen vs. Saturn Girl! The Marvel heroines— bosoms heaving, bodies exhausted, their powers nearly depleted—look to even the odds by bogging down DC’s speedsters, and strategically move the battlefield to a large kiddie pool filled with butterscotch pudding. Black Cat pulls at Wonder Girl’s hair, Mystique slaps Harley Quinn and Black Widow tackles Poison Ivy, pinning her to the floor.

“Not too shabby, eh?” asks the Watcher, giving Superman a nudge as they both peer through his “What If?” portal of infinite possibilities. “You kiddin’?” smiles the Kryptonian, downing another handful of delectably sweet Orville Reddenbacher Kettle Corn. “This kicks X-ray vision’s ass!”

Winner: Uatu & Kal


If this were a battle based on sheer hotness, I'd have to give the gong to Marvel. Yes, DC DOES have Black Canary and the boobs machine that is Power Girl, but how can they fight the eye candy from Marvel's stable that includes Emma Frost, Elektra, Jean Grey, Psylocke, She-Hulk, Black Cat and the Invisible Woman, just to name a few?

LMS: Elektra Vs Scarlett

Well, I wrote my own LMS feature today, featured on 28 Geeks Later. Won't re-blog it here since Theo and I are really trying to get people to go visit that site.

An awesome LMS from Wizard today, with superb art by master painter Greg Horn. Except the anguished look on Scarlett's face and the pose she's in looks...uh...how shall I put this? Well, if you take it out of context, it's kinda suggestive. Haha!

It's ninja vs martial arts expert! Private organisation (since Elektra's an assassin-for-hire) vs government agent! Brunette vs redhead! Who wins? Red blooded fanboys of course!

LAST MAN STANDING

Elektra vs. Scarlett

Art by Greg Horn

TALE OF THE TAPE
Elektra		Scarlett
5'9"	Height	5'8"
130lbs.	Weight	135lbs.
69"	Reach	68"
Sai	Weapon of Choice	Crossbow
Deviled Eggs	Favorite Food	Snake Meat

Origins... After her father was killed, Elektra Natchios went to Japan where she studied martial arts. Following years of intense ninja training, Elektra now works as one of the deadliest assassins in the world!

Raised by a family of martial arts instructors, Shana O’Hara enlisted in the military right out of high school. After years of rigorous training, O’Hara joined the top-secret G.I. Joe team and became the Joes’ counter-intelligence expert, codenamed Scarlett!

THE BATTLE... During a routine press conference, G.I. Joe commanding officer General Hawk finds himself the target of assassination by Elektra! As the killer bounds from the crowd hurling a sai at Hawk’s chest, she’s amazed to see it shot out of the air with a crossbow bolt fired by Scarlett. Leaping at Elektra, Scarlett unleashes a volley of shuriken throwing stars, but like an expert ballerina, Elektra dodges the missiles in midair—barely. Squaring off for hand-to-hand, Scarlett lands a kick to Elektra’s midsection, then follows up with an elbow strike to her head. Stunned, Elektra counters with a roundhouse kick that rocks Scarlett back on her heels. Pressing her advantage, Elektra thrusts her sai through Scarlett’s midsection, her Kevlar body armor the only thing saving her from death. Momentarily pinned on the sai, Scarlett desperately shoots a crossbow through Elektra’s foot, keeping her grounded. With the blunt end of her sai, Elektra smashes Scarlett’s face, turning it into a kaleidoscope of agony as blood and teeth go flying. Drawing her sidearm, Scarlett gets off a shot that takes a chunk out of Elektra’s shoulder, and pulling herself off the sai, she lands one last sweep kick to Elektra’s head that turns the assassin’s lights out. As Elektra’s led away by the security team, the battered Scarlett quips, “Sugar, I eat ninjas for breakfast. Tell Cobra to try a little harder next time.”

Our own Last Man Standing features!

28 Geeks Later is up and running again! Sort of. Well, considering it's been on hiatus for the longest time...

Theo basically had the idea of writing some LMS features, with the first one featuring two playboy billionaries in Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark. And I did some editing and provided the stats of the two men.

Let's hope this venture goes much better than actually writing full scripts, since you'd only really need a splash page of the two heroes/villains/characters fighting in LMS features!

LMS: Keep-Squeezin'-Them-Monkeys Lad Vs The Wizard Bunny

We're down to the last five LMS features! And then, perhaps Theo and I will create our OWN LMS features, with or without the art. I wonder if we can commission someone to do the art for us, and then maybe Theo and I can contact Wizard to be "regular" contributors and revive this feature?

Today, you're not going to get a lot of gas out of this feature unless you're a regular Wizard reader.

LAST MAN STANDING

Keep-Squeezin'-Them-Monkeys Lad vs. The Wizard Bunny

Art by (PHOTO) Paul Schiraldi

TALE OF THE TAPE
Keep-Squeezin'-Them Monkeys Lad		The Wizard Bunny
5'7"	Height	5'9"
140lbs.	Weight	170lbs.
67"	Reach	70"
Monkeys	Passion	Scotch
Spandex	Shame	Pellets

EDITOR'S NOTE: It's a real blast from the past this week, as we present a battle between two of the most ridiculous memorable characters to roam the hallowed halls of Wizard HQ. Enjoy! -RM

Armed with an unquenchable thirst for justice and zero tolerance for monkey chicanery, Keep-Squeezin’-Them-Monkeys Lad is the last line of defense against the vile simian hordes that plague mankind!

Not an employee of Wizard Entertainment, though drawing a paycheck through an accounting error, the Bunny roams the Wizard halls dispensing arbitrary judgment with his really, really big hammer.

THE BATTLE... Irritated that Wizard keeps devoting pages to Keep-Squeezin’-Them-Monkeys Lad instead of covering comics, the Bunny goes in search of Monkey Lad. After roaming the Wizard Bullpen for hours, the Bunny of Vengeance discovers his prey in Wizard’s cabana-themed cafeteria. “Hey, what’s up, budd—ooOOOOF!” exclaims K.S.T.M.L. as a swing of the bunny’s hammer knocks him from his olive-loaf lunch. Startled but ever-ready for battle, the Simian Stomper draws his pistol and discharges a blast of liquefied monkey at the Bunny. Sidestepping the vile blast, the Bunny hurtles his hammer at K.S.T.M.L.…who smiles smugly as the hammer impacts harmlessly above him. “Looks like you lose…” the Simian Squeezer starts as he realizes too late the Bunny’s true target: the vending machine behind him. As the avalanche of Yoo Hoo cans engulfs the Baboon Basher, the Bunny calmly retrieves his hammer—and a frosty one for himself—as Keep-Squeezin’-Them-Monkeys Lad disappears both beneath the growing mound of Yoo Hoo cans and from the pages of Wizard…forever.

LMS: Dead Bucky Vs Dead Robin

Corpse Vs Corpse...it's like watching grass grow or paint dry.

Assuming they do a "Dawn of the Dead" and arise as zombies...who would win?

I think Robin would, but knowing how Bucky turns out to be the highly trained superassassin Winter Soldier, I'd put my money on him...if he were a little older.

The battle doesn't go as planned...at least not the way one would THINK.


LAST MAN STANDING

Dead Bucky vs. Dead Robin

Art by Todd Nauck and Jaime Mendoza

TALE OF THE TAPE
Dead Bucky		Dead Robin
5' 6 1/2"	Height	4' 5 1/2"
27lbs.	Weight	16lbs.
Cap's Shield	Waxes	Legs
Baron Zemo	Killed by	The Fans

EDITOR'S NOTE: Okay, we know neither of these guys are still among the deceased, but we couldn't resist posting this article again - if not for the irony of their recent return to the land of the living, then for the hilarious art provided by Todd Nauck and Jaime Mendoza. Enjoy! -RM

THE PLAYERS: When young James “Bucky” Barnes discovered Private Steven Rogers was really Captain America, he blackmailed his way to being Cap’s partner. Bucky fought the good fight in WWII until he tried disarming a booby-trapped plane…and failed miserably.

After stealing the Batmobile’s tires, young Jason Todd wormed his way into Batman’s heart and became the new Robin. Later, while searching for his birth mother, Todd survived a vicious crowbar beating by the Joker…only to be blown to bits by a bomb.

THE BATTLE: As a cold harsh wind blows its way across Robinson Park, the midday sun basks over the meadows. Stalks of unmown grass waver in the wind as brittle leaves cut ties and leap to their death. It’s a crisp day. A clear day. A good day for war.

Laying listless in the grass, the two soldiers prepare for battle. Each lays poised, rigid. Neither willing to make the first move. Ever waiting. Ever cautious.

Suddenly, out of the still, comes a sharp piercing sound. A small brown dog bounds across the park, tail flittering in syncopation to the grand song of joy. He approaches both combatants, eyeing each suspiciously. A sniff here, a smell there and the choice is made. With a howling battle cry, the young pup bites down on Bucky’s useless arm.

LMS: Herbie Vs H.E.R.B/I.E

When I first saw this LMS feature, I went, quite audibly:

AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

I mean, who cares about EITHER Herbie? Did anyone really care who won a battle between the Love Bug volkswagon and the most annoying "member" of the Fantastic Four?

The only contact I'd want to have with Herbie the Love Bug is when he's got Lindsay Lohan as a passenger/driver. Or when Bruce Campbell is in there so I can have him regale me of stories of his experience in the Evil Dead movies. Even Herbie would crush Bumblebee in a fight...and Herbie can't transform!

H.E.R.B.I.E should win this battle easily though. After all, Mr Fantastic built him, and surely so intelligent a brain would at least think to install some weapons in his housesitter robot, yeah?


LAST MAN STANDING

Herbie vs. H.E.R.B.I.E.

Art by Jamal Igle

TALE OF THE TAPE
Herbie		H.E.R.B.I.E.
4'11"	Height	1 Meter
1742lbs.	Weight	800lbs.
3 1/2 ft.	Reach	20 ft.
Rice White	Paint Job	Pearly White
Yes	Seats Four	No

THE BATTLE... The sky is pink with pollution on a brisk Saturday evening in New York City—the very evening Herbie took one wrong turn, jackknifed the sidewalk and violently crashed headlights-first into the Baxter Building’s lobby. Nauseous from the blunt trauma, Herbie fails to notice the hovering robot from hell quickly advancing in his blind spot.

Security scanners buzzing to life with the anger of 10,000 wasps, H.E.R.B.I.E. emerges from the desolate shadows. “Intruder. You should not have come here!” shrieks the Fantastic Four’s furious security automaton, wasting no time in sending a white-hot electrical charge up the anthropomorphic Beetle’s rusty tailpipe. Horn blaring in pain, the violating volts simultaneously shatter the Bug’s windows and breaks a nail off the hand of lovely Lindsay Lohan, the strawberry-haired sexpot in the driver’s seat. Dented and dazed, Herbie can taste the grit lodged in his chassis. Hurriedly, he assesses the situation and adjusts his splintered mirrors. There’s simply no time to think about oil oozing from his gaping wounds as he shifts into high gear and plunges his windshield wipers with praying mantis accuracy into H.E.R.B.I.E.’s vulnerable robo-throat. A digitized death-wail fills the sky as the carnage-fueled car pops his hood and sends boiling acid spewing skyward from the bowels of his radiator. Burps and pops crackle forth from H.E.R.B.I.E.’s dissolving mainframe as he flips end over end in a symphony of burning wires and glass. Rising steadily from the marble floor, H.E.R.B.I.E. knows that, had he the capacity, he might respect his opponent’s fortitude. Instead, he’s been programmed to destroy the source of this grave violation, and lets fly a jet-propelled magnetic spike deep into the heart of Herbie’s undercarriage. “Threat eliminated,” responds the ’bot coldly, as Herbie backfires, sputters and sucks one last wind through his air intake valve. Now, ponders H.E.R.B.I.E., what to do with the petite redhead crawling from the rubble? He decides he may be artificially intelligent, but he’s not stupid…

Ewww...robot-human love. Deeeeees-gusting!

LMS: Hawkman Vs Angel

Start the countdown...only seven more Last Man Standing features to go after this one!

In today's feature: we've got avian avenger versus hawked hero as two birds of prey tackle each other in mid-air: Hawkman Vs Angel from the Uncanny X-Men!

It seems like it's going to be such a one-sided contest. Hawkman has a nifty mace and he's got superstrength, endurance and stamina. All Angel can do is fly. Oh, I suppose Angel has logged in heaps of battle sequence time in the Danger Room and is adept at combat...but I'm sure Hawkman's got those qualities too.


LAST MAN STANDING

Hawkman vs. Angel

Art by Rags Morales

TALE OF THE TAPE
Hawkman		Angel
6’ 6”	Height	6’ 0”
226 lbs	Weight	150 lbs
78”	Reach	72”
Returns from it	Death Connection	Once became it
Hard nipples	Distinctive Markings	Blue skin

A Thanagarian warrior who came to Earth in ancient Egypt, Carter Hall constantly cheated death, getting reincarnated throughout history as the Winged Warrior known as Hawkman!
A mutant born with wings and avian physiology, Warren Worthington III joined the X-Men to help create peace between humans and mutants, becoming the high-flying Angel!

THE BATTLE... During a routine flight, the Angel spots another winged hero in the distance. Deciding to have a little fun, the Angel swoops into a power dive and gives Hawkman a little fly-by, knocking the Winged Warrior around in his wake. Angered by this display of immaturity, Hawkman decides a little payback is in order and streaks off after the upstart Angel. Racing at cloud level, Angel executes a barrel roll, heads into a 10-G power climb and swoops into a Kamikaze dive, trying to shake Hawkman loose. Tiring of the cat-and-mouse game, Angel turns to fight his pursuer, but is stunned to see only empty sky. Too late, Angel realizes Hakwman has performed an Immelmann turn to gain altitude and attack from a different direction—as the Winged Wonder bears down on Angel at close to 100 m.p.h.! Trying to throw a good scare into Angel, Hawkman takes a mighty swing with his mace, but Angel grabs hold of the weapon instead, and the two begin a swift descent like a pair of eagles with their talons locked together. Right before the pair crash, they pull up and nail perfect two-point landings—and that’s when Hawkman rears back and unloads a devastating haymaker that connects with Angel’s chin, knocking him cold! As Hawkman soars away victorious, he’s secure knowing he out-fought and out-flew the mutant pretty boy.

LMS: Thor Vs Captain Marvel

Uh oh! Checked the Wizard site and there aren't too many LMS features left - just less than ten. So please enjoy these last couple of features while you can!

Today's battle is gonna be an awesome one, when the world's mightiest mortal takes on a thunder god: Captain Marvel (aka the big red cheese) Vs Thor (aka "I can kick Superman's butt any day of the week despite what Kurt Busiek wrote in JLA/Avengers")!


LAST MAN STANDING

Thor vs. Captain Marvel

Art by RAGS MORALES

TALE OF THE TAPE
Thor		Captain Marvel
6'6"	Height	6'2"
640lbs.	Weight	212lbs.
78"	Reach	74"
Norse	Pantheon	Greek
“Forsooth!”	Annoying Catchphrase	“Holy Moley!”

ORIGINS… The son of the lord of the Norse gods, Odin, and the Earth goddess Jord, Thor grew to become the mightiest warrior in fabled Asgard, acting as the realm’s main protector and God of Thunder!

When orphaned Billy Batson wandered into a deserted subway station, the great wizard Shazam granted him the abilities of seven legendary figures which Billy uses to fight evil as Captain Marvel!

THE BATTLE... Traversing across dimensions using his enchanted hammer Mjolnir, Thor stops at the Rock of Eternity, but when Captain Marvel comes to welcome him, Thor mistakes his actions for an attack…and the battle is on! Thor fires the first salvo, hurling Mjolnir and catching Marvel square in the chest. Watching as the hammer returns to Thor, Marvel’s wisdom of Solomon infers that Mjolnir possess mystical enchantments. Using the speed of Mercury, Marvel races back to the fray and unleashes a mighty punch knocking Thor into the Rock and bloodying his face! Using Mjolnir, Thor opens a space warp that bombards Marvel with a face full of blazing cosmic energy. Protected by the power of Zeus, Marvel swoops in once again, unleashing a thousand mighty blows in the blink of an eye that send Thor to the brink of unconsciousness. Calling upon his godly reserve, Thor again hurls Mjolnir straight at Marvel’s center mass—only this time, Marvel plucks the mallet right out of the air! “How can thou be worthy to wield Mjolnir?” asks a stunned Thunder God. “Because I’m backed by the power of an entire pantheon!” boasts Marvel, who hurls the hammer back at Thor. But Mjolnir returns safely to its owner’s hand thanks to its enchantments, and the Thunder God tries one last tactic. Using the mallet, he calls forth a mighty lightning bolt to strike Marvel…and inadvertently summons the mystical lightning from the Rock of Eternity that triggers Marvel’s transformation from Billy Batson, rendering the young boy unconscious…and defeated!

Wow, that was a pretty tough battle....much tougher than I expected. Surely Captain Marvel isn't worthy enough to be able to wield Mjolnir! It's a nice twist that Thor somehow managed to get that EXACT mystical lightning bolt to turn Marvel back into little Billy Batson. But kind of a cheese way to end the battle too...I would have thought Thor would have cleaned Marvel's clock fair and square!

LMS: Black Canary Vs Black Widow

Catfight! Between two leather-clad women!

A Bird of Prey Vs a Mighty Avenger.

Martial Artist Vs Super Spy.

Rooowr.

Whoever wins, us fans are the winner!


LAST MAN STANDING

Black Canary vs. Black Widow

Art by Butch Guice

TALE OF THE TAPE
Black Canary		Black Widow
5'5"	Height	5'7"
127lbs.	Weight	125lbs.
65"	Reach	67"
Fishnets	Sexy Clothing	Black Leather
Green Arrow	Super Hero Lover	Too many to list

THE PLAYERS...The daughter of the original Black Canary, Dinah Laurel Lance is a highly trained acrobat and hand-to-hand combatant, possessing advanced belts in many martial arts disciplines.

Natasha Romanova, a descendent of the Russian royal family, was a successful ballerina when she was recruited by the KGB and trained in the ways of espionage to become the super-spy called Black Widow.

THE BATTLE... While on the trail of smugglers in the former Soviet Union, Canary and Widow mistake one another for metahuman muscle and the fur starts a’ flyin’! The two expert fighters begin a dizzying ballet of combat: First up is plain ol’ fisticuffs, followed by akido and judo. Neither Widow nor Canary can get the upper hand, so it’s time for something more exotic. Former ballet star Widow unveils a capoeira move, a Brazilian form of dance-like combat. Canary counters with a corno breton throw, a type of Cornish wrestling similar to judo. Natasha, pressing her agility advantage, adopts a gen seiryu strike, a type of karate that stresses tumbling and somersaults. Knocking Canary off her feet, Widow fires her Widow’s line to try and snare Dinah. Canary dodges it, collects the cable, then throws a sonic screamer at the feet of Natasha, disorienting Widow with sonic overload. Canary swoops in, using her skills of hojo jutsu (art of tying) to bind Natasha in her own Widow’s line, leaving her immobilized. Dinah leaves to take out the smugglers, looking like the cat who just swallowed the canary.


While Widow can certainly hold her own, it's kinda one-sided since she's got superpowers while Widow doesn't. Honestly, she can take out Natasha from a distance...unless, of course, Natasha is even FURTHER away with a powerful sniper rifle in hand. :p

LMS: Ultimate Wolverine Vs Wolverine

We all know Wolverine is the best there is at what he does. Whether it's smoking cigars, being a total badass in a fight, or simply beating hapless opponents in a game of foosball, Wolverine's at the top of the pack. So who would win in a fight when TWO Wolverines from different universes face off against each other?

My money's on the classic Wolvie. After all, it'd be really bad for his image if he lost to his metrosexual Ultimate universe counterpart. Plus, classic Wolvie has slept with more women, giving him MORE prowess than Ultimate Wolvie, who's only, like, bonked Jean Grey.


LAST MAN STANDING

Ultimate Wolverine vs. Wolverine

Art by Sean Chen and Norm Rapmund

TALE OF THE TAPE
Ultimate Wolverine		Wolverine
6'1"	Height	5'3"
195lbs.	Weight	195lbs.
73"	Reach	63"
Ass Kickin'	Best at	Kickin' Ass

THE PLAYERS: During the Gulf War, Ultimate Wolverine worked in black ops for the Weapon X project. Thanks to his healing factor and adamantium claws and skeleton, Ultimate Wolverine was the ultimate killing machine. Little is known about Wolverine’s past, other than he worked in intelligence before being tapped for the Weapon X project. With his adamantium claws and skeleton and healing factor, Wolverine is the best at what he does.

THE BATTLE: Plucked out of their respective realities by the
dimension-hopping Blink, Ultimate Wolverine and Wolverine are thrust together against their wills. Big mistake—the mission’s forgotten and the pair are trying to tear out each other’s throats. Logan peels off a piece of Ultimate’s hide like a Fruit Roll-Up, but Ultimate retaliates with a claw thrust through Logan’s torso that penetrates several organs. Logan literally tries to take Ultimate’s legs away, but Ultimate counters by gouging out Logan’s left eye. Several minutes go by, and the blood’s flowing freely, enraging the two man-beasts even further. Being taller than Logan, Ultimate has the reach advantage, but decades of battling Sabretooth taught Wolverine about fighting bigger foes. Logan feints one way and quickly slips inside his foe’s longer reach to stab away at Ultimate’s midsection. Bits of pancreas, liver, kidneys and intestine go flying like straw in a hurricane, and a minute later, Ultimate’s lying in a bloody heap at Logan’s feet. Logan’s parting shot to the new kid on the block? “I’m still the best there is, bub.”

LMS: Nick Fury Vs Cobra Commander

It's S.H.I.E.L.D. (Strategic Hazard Intervention and Espionage Logistics Directorate) versus Cobra (erm...cobra?)! Hasselhoff versus Starscream! (think the actors who play both characters, Hasselhoff in the big screen movie, Starscream as the same voice actor) It's counter-terrorist organisation versus terrorist organisation? Who will win? Who will lose? One thing's for certain: this battle will be something awesome to watch (erm...read about)!

LAST MAN STANDING

Nick Fury vs. Cobra Commander

Art by Darick Robertson

TALE OF THE TAPE
Nick Fury		Cobra Commander
6'1"	Height	5'10"
225 lbs.	Weight	175 lbs.
73"	Reach	70"
Eye Patch	Fashion Statement	Blue Cowl
WETWORK, STAMP COLLECTING	Hobbies	NEEDLEPOINT, FIREBOMBING

THE PLAYERS...Nick Fury worked intelligence during the height of the Cold War, but recent events have led him to field work, where he violently takes out his frustrations while defending the U.S. way of life.

Failing professionally at every turn,Cobra Commander blamed “the system” for his shortcomings, so he decided to fight back through extortion and violence as head of the terrorist organization called Cobra!

THE BATTLE... Fury infiltrates Cobra’s HQ with the intention of terminating Cobra Commander. Stalking his way to Cobra Commander’s chamber, Fury’s about to ventilate the sleeping snake with his suppressed Heckler and Koch MP5—until the Commander drops from the ceiling with a 12-inch dagger! Fury gets two grazing shots off, wounding the Commander, but the sneaky serpent slices a chunk out of Fury’s hide with his blade, disarming him in the process. Switching to hand-to-hand, Fury pulverizes the Commander, thrashing him with judo, akido, karate and good ol’ fisticuffs. Cobra Commander’s about to take a permanent dirt nap—until Destro and a squad of Crimson Guardsmen enter. “Sorry, Fury. I can’t let you kill the Commander. I’m going to kill him and take over Cobra!” Before Destro can act, Zartan storms in with his Dreadnoks, guns and knives drawn. “Sorry, Destro ol’ boy. You’re already looking at the new Cobra leader!” As the rest of the Cobra hierarchy—Baroness, Serpentor, etc.— line up to kill each other off, Fury muses to himself, “I don’t have to lift a finger; these bozos’ll do all the work for me!”