Monday, August 6, 2007

LMS: Snake-Eyes Vs Batman

It's ninja vs "ninja", urban vigilante versus urban military-guy as the goddamn Batman takes on G.I. Joe's own Snake-Eyes! Who will win a fight between these two manly men? And if Batman wins, will Bruce Wayne move in on Snake-Eyes' paramour, Scarlett? I sense a romance comic in there somewhere!

Snake-Eyes vs. Batman Art by Rags Morales

225 lbs.Weight200 lbs.
Fighting crime, ward collectingHobbiesCollects spike-handled trench knives

THE PLAYERS...When his parents were murdered in a senseless street crime, Bruce Wayne swore vengeance on all criminals, becoming the brooding vigilante of Gotham City, Batman! Trained in lethal martial arts by the Arashikage ninja clan, Snake-Eyes works black ops for the top-secret G.I. Joe team!

THE BATTLE...While doing roof-to-roof recon, Snake-Eyes stumbles across Gotham’s shadowy protector, Batman, who notices this intruder is utilizing the ancient yoko aruki stealth technique. Recognizing that his foe is a martial arts master, Batman swoops into action with an anyo leap and lands several sweeping kicks to Snake-Eyes’ head. Snake-Eyes recovers and settles into a subak stance to wait for Batman’s next attack. Feinting with a barrage of batarangs, Batman gets Snake-Eyes ducking the wrong way and lands a solid thrust kick into Snake-Eyes’ midsection. Moving in to finish, Batman gets surprised by a face full of fist when Snake-Eyes attacks with a chuan fan strike to the face, a move that sends spit and blood flying. With both combatants bloody and bruised, Snake-Eyes looks to finish Batman off with the Arashikage death strike, but the Dark Knight dodges with a chung do kwan, or “blue wave” counter and instantly follows that up by smashing a tear gas canister in Snake-Eyes’ face! Gasping for breath, Snake-Eyes decides a more lethal course is necessary, and unloads a clip from his Uzi 9mm machine pistol right at Batman’s chest symbol! Snake-Eyes warily inspects his foe’s corpse, only to have Batman—whose Kevlar costume saved his life—spring to his feet and land a perfect aikido strike right between Snake-Eyes’ eyes. Blinded and reeling, Snake-Eye lashes out with his katana, drawing more blood from the Caped Crusader, but before he can follow up, Batman counters with a twirling sidekick that catches Snake-Eyes under his jaw and sends him flying right off his feet and into unconsciousness. It’s not until later that Batman faces an even bigger fight—battling the U.S. Army for taking out one of its best covert ops agents!

Love the ending. Can Batman single-handedly beat the forces of G.I. Joe? In reality of course, he'd just call on the Justice League for help and they'd beat the Joes in no time. Or someone would realise they were all on the same side and there wouldn't even be a fight in the first place.

If Batman did face the Joes on his own though? He'd do the smart thing and slink away into the darkness before they even engage in combat.

No comments: