LMS: Keep-Squeezin'-Them-Monkeys Lad Vs The Wizard Bunny

We're down to the last five LMS features! And then, perhaps Theo and I will create our OWN LMS features, with or without the art. I wonder if we can commission someone to do the art for us, and then maybe Theo and I can contact Wizard to be "regular" contributors and revive this feature?

Today, you're not going to get a lot of gas out of this feature unless you're a regular Wizard reader.

LAST MAN STANDING

Keep-Squeezin'-Them-Monkeys Lad vs. The Wizard Bunny

Art by (PHOTO) Paul Schiraldi

TALE OF THE TAPE
Keep-Squeezin'-Them Monkeys Lad		The Wizard Bunny
5'7"	Height	5'9"
140lbs.	Weight	170lbs.
67"	Reach	70"
Monkeys	Passion	Scotch
Spandex	Shame	Pellets

EDITOR'S NOTE: It's a real blast from the past this week, as we present a battle between two of the most ridiculous memorable characters to roam the hallowed halls of Wizard HQ. Enjoy! -RM

Armed with an unquenchable thirst for justice and zero tolerance for monkey chicanery, Keep-Squeezin’-Them-Monkeys Lad is the last line of defense against the vile simian hordes that plague mankind!

Not an employee of Wizard Entertainment, though drawing a paycheck through an accounting error, the Bunny roams the Wizard halls dispensing arbitrary judgment with his really, really big hammer.

THE BATTLE... Irritated that Wizard keeps devoting pages to Keep-Squeezin’-Them-Monkeys Lad instead of covering comics, the Bunny goes in search of Monkey Lad. After roaming the Wizard Bullpen for hours, the Bunny of Vengeance discovers his prey in Wizard’s cabana-themed cafeteria. “Hey, what’s up, budd—ooOOOOF!” exclaims K.S.T.M.L. as a swing of the bunny’s hammer knocks him from his olive-loaf lunch. Startled but ever-ready for battle, the Simian Stomper draws his pistol and discharges a blast of liquefied monkey at the Bunny. Sidestepping the vile blast, the Bunny hurtles his hammer at K.S.T.M.L.…who smiles smugly as the hammer impacts harmlessly above him. “Looks like you lose…” the Simian Squeezer starts as he realizes too late the Bunny’s true target: the vending machine behind him. As the avalanche of Yoo Hoo cans engulfs the Baboon Basher, the Bunny calmly retrieves his hammer—and a frosty one for himself—as Keep-Squeezin’-Them-Monkeys Lad disappears both beneath the growing mound of Yoo Hoo cans and from the pages of Wizard…forever.